6 Signs You May Be Having An Identity Crisis + What To Do Next

Imagine you've been told all your life you're the smartest kid in class. You get the highest grades, get into the best colleges, and are deemed a high-potential leader. But then, a romantic breakup, moving cross country, and dropping out of grad school alter your life's course—and in a few years, you don't quite feel like the major success that your teachers, family, and friends praised you to be.

You may start to ask yourself, "Who am I?"

An identity crisis can be understood as the in-between stage from one sense of self to another.

Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson introduced the concept of the identity crisis in the 1950s. His examination1 of the ego identity led to the theory that we all experience specific growth stages for healthy personality development throughout our lives.

Some of us experience these life transitions in an intensely abrupt way, which can feel like a crisis. Common ways that our culture talks about these transitions are tied to specific life segments, such as a midlife or quarter-life crisis.

An identity crisis is not a mental health diagnosis nor a medical condition. Rather, it's a "normal stage in development," according to licensed therapist Aki Rosenberg, LCSW. "Just being in an age demographic from 12 to 26 on its own can cause an identity exploration," she explains. "That said, there are lots of environmental things and life experiences that can inspire questioning and might provoke questions around identity." 

It's also crucial to highlight Kimberlé Crenshaw's work on intersectionality, which emphasizes that we all live with multiple identities that overlap and influence each other within social and cultural systems like patriarchy and race. If we're experiencing extreme financial hardship, realizations about other aspects of ourselves—like class, gender, and race—may become heightened during this time, forcing us to confront many pieces of our identity at once. 

Sometimes, realizations related to an aspect of our identity—such as our gender, sexual orientation, or ethnicity—can also trigger a so-called identity crisis. For example, if you've been raised by conservative parents with traditional gender roles and realize you might actually be trans, your internal world might start to have a strong desire to change its external world accordingly.

However, we might hesitate because of the many implications coming out might have on our lives, and it might not feel safe to express ourselves just yet—leading to an internal feeling of confusion or crisis.

Moments of introspection are useful for self-development. However, we can sometimes get stuck in an endless loop of the same questions. Those who are experiencing an identity crisis may not have the tools to get themselves out of the loop of questions just yet.

They say our gut is our second brain. Having a gut feeling sometimes is our body telling us something is off about our environment.

"Our body feeling a sense of insecurity can help clue in whether or not we are having an identity crisis—we can feel fatigued, less motivated, irritable in places we typically have felt validated in," Tuazon explains.

An incredibly common way for people to feel the onset of an identity crisis is that they are "just going through the motions."

Rosenberg shares that her clients often show up in therapy saying things like "my life looks great on paper" and "nothing is really wrong" but who are also feeling deeply unsatisfied or unhappy. There is often an added layer of judgment that comes through in statements like "what's wrong with me?" or "I just need to stop complaining."

You might feel a little off because your social circles are shifting.

Not only do you get wiser with age, but your brain actually changes. "Our brains aren't fully developed until about 25 years old, so naturally, our identities are still in flux," Rosenberg explains.

It's worth repeating that an identity crisis is not a clinical mental health diagnosis or a problem for your physician to fix. As such, Rosenberg notes that naming this experience a "crisis" may be detrimental.

You may not be in the most supportive spaces to express your full identity. Toxic workplaces are examples of where we might feel the onset of an identity crisis but can't quite figure out why.

The first step of noticing is becoming still. Notice without judgment your surroundings, including the people around you, what's being said, how people are being treated, and how your body reacts to these cues. Just noticing what's around you while in stillness can help bring more clarity to your experience.

Transcendence, or ego death, is a spiritual ideal that takes a step past identity crisis. Instead of holding on to the ego and fighting to fit it into an identity, some people find relief when they lean into their spiritual practice and let go of an ill-fitting identity, releasing all things that no longer serve them. Then, they can find ease by living closer to their most authentic self.

Although an identity crisis is not a clinical mental health diagnosis, working with a licensed professional can help build up skill sets to become more resilient against life's challenges. Depending on what's at the heart of your crisis, there are many types of therapy to explore to find a professional to help you through this time in your life.

If you find yourself in an identity crisis, it may be uncomfortable and even painful—but know that you're on the right path. You are listening to your inner voice, which is inviting you toward a new way of being.