Why You Should Write Your Partner A Love Letter

Sometimes, it helps to go the extra mile to make your partner feel loved.

Even if you feel like you regularly show your partner plenty of love and appreciation, there's something to be said for taking the time to write out the things you love about your partner.

Words of affirmation, a common love language, are more permanent when they're written down on paper or in a text. When your partner is feeling down, they can feel buoyed whenever they read your supportive words.

Think of a love letter as a "verbal embrace," according to licensed marriage and family therapist Dana McNeil, PsyD.

"The sender is using words to convey a tender loving connection with the object of their desires," McNeil says.

While you can send your love letter digitally, over text, email, or DM, McNeil says you might get more out of the process if you write it the old-fashioned way: by hand.

"Science tells us that writing something by hand involves the motor cortex and visual planning parts of our brain," McNeil says. "As you write a love letter, you actually light up the parts of your language networks in your central and temporal lobes. This means as you see the letters you are creating in your mind's eye and make stronger associations with the words you are connecting as you relate them to the person to whom you are writing."

Close your eyes and think of a handful of positive adjectives you could use to describe your letter recipient. Are they kind? Thoughtful? Sexy?

"Try to associate specific stories, examples, or events that you think of when you apply that adjective as a reason for why you think that particular word is so fitting to describe how you feel about them," McNeil says.

It's one thing to tell your partner that you appreciate their kindness, but it's another to help them understand exactly why you think they're kind.

Think of a specific, recent time when they were kind to you. Write about the event that comes to mind, what you noticed about their behavior, and how it made you feel.

"By telling the person we love that we notice who they are and why they mean so much to us, we are offering them a gift of being seen and valued for the things they do or the parts of their personality that they specifically add to your life in ways that no one else can quite replicate," McNeil says.

If you can't be vulnerable in a love letter, then where can you be vulnerable? Take this as an opportunity to open up about how you really feel. Don't be afraid to be a little cheesy when you're writing about the things you love about your partner (or your crush).

"Allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your heart," mental health counselor Chaute Thomson, LMHC, previously told mbg. "Many times, we are scared to truly share ourselves out of fear of rejection or misunderstanding, but writing a love letter creates a genuine opportunity to connect with one another."

Love letters, for both the sender and receiver, are small tokens of appreciation that many people don't get to share with each other, according to McNeil. They're special, so treat them as such.

"Letter writing offers a more intimate way of connecting to those they want to open their inner world to," McNeil says.

The words themselves are the most important part of any love letter, but you can also have fun with the stationery and mode of delivery. If you want to go real bare bones, a napkin or scrap piece of paper totally suffices. You can also buy a beautiful card or bust out your art skills to illustrate a card yourself. It's a creative labor of love.

There's a research-backed theory that healthy romantic relationships tend to be full of many more positive experiences than negative ones.

Psychologists John Gottman, Ph.D., and Robert Levenson, Ph.D., found in their research that healthy relationships likely follow a 20:1 ratio for positive to negative interactions. (The ratio turns into 5:1 for times of relationship conflict.) For every negative interaction, such as a moment of criticism, tension, resentment, or general negative feeling between partners, partners should experience 20 positive interactions, which could include sharing laughter, physical touch, affection, fondness, and appreciation.

Writing a love letter is one way to create a very positive moment within your relationship, counteracting negative feelings that we can't help but experience sometimes.