How To Trick Your Brain Into Overcoming Fear: A Psychologist Explains

Let’s say you’re doing what you can to reduce the actual threats in your life while developing real resources for handling them. Meanwhile, make sure you are seeing threats clearly, appreciating your resources, and feeling as safe as you reasonably can.

Pick one thing that worries you. It could be an illness, finances, or a conflict with another person. It could also be an area of life in which you’re holding back to reduce risks, such as avoiding public speaking or not asking for what you really want in a relationship. You can do this process by reflecting to yourself, journaling, or talking about it with someone, and you can use it with multiple things that worry you.

Be specific and concrete about the size of the challenge. In effect, put a fence around the issue rather than letting it be nebulous and overwhelming. For instance, instead of "My health is bad," how about "I have high blood pressure"? Bound the issue in space and time. What part of your life does it affect—and what is unaffected? When does it happen—and when is it not very relevant?

Perhaps you’re stuck with an ongoing condition, such as a chronic health issue. But most of the time when we feel anxious, it’s about something bad that might happen: There is a threat of pain but not pain itself. For instance, a person might think, "I could get sick" or "If I express anger, no one will want me." If what you are concerned about is a possibility but not yet a reality, ask yourself: What are the odds, actually? In your past, a certain kind of bad event could indeed have been likely, perhaps because of the people you lived with or knew back then. But today, things are different, and the chances of a bad event are probably much lower.

Let all this sink in. It is really, really true. You can believe it. Let yourself feel convinced of it.