How Older Parents Can Discuss COVID-19 Concerns With Their Kids

Even when your children grow into adults and have children of their own, they're still your kids. Right now, older adults are considered at higher risk of illness for contracting the coronavirus. Despite those personal risks, most older parents can't help but worry about how their children and grandchildren are faring amid the pandemic.

First and foremost, as an older parent, you should come prepared with facts and logic. If your family has a history of mental health disorders, it's important to understand how this might affect your kids, especially now, as the global pandemic and subsequent isolation can heighten anxiety and depression.

Now that you're prepared to have emotional conversations, it's time for older parents to start the conversation. If you and your kids already have an established trust, it will be far easier to carry out empathetic communications. 

However, if older parents and their now older kids have a long history of miscommunication and avoidance, this will be more challenging and might lead to arguments. Now is an opportunity to remedy those communication habits and relationships.

Listening requires respecting the thoughts, opinions, and feelings of another without judgment, criticism, or interruption. 

After patiently hearing your loved one share their experiences, it's time to join the conversation. Do this gradually, one thought at a time, and wait for their responses before continuing.

Before jumping into facts (and especially conclusions), empathize with what your child said. Use short sentences like, "I hear your worries. Can you please tell me more?"

When you feel your adult child has said all they can, it's your turn to respond mindfully. First, remember to praise them for sharing. Then, acknowledge that it's hard to put feelings into words, and you appreciate them attempting to do so.

If they were misinformed about your risk or your current health, you can correct them. You want your adult child to be aware of your circumstances (physical or emotional) and what you are proactively doing to take care of yourself. 

If indeed you are not healthy or robust and have had pre-existing medical problems prior to the pandemic, your adult children may want to hear specifics that you prefer to avoid.

Share only the basics, such as your symptoms and your medical care. It may become important later on for your adult kids to assist you or find someone who can. Share any resources you may have garnered that will lessen their burden.

If you haven't yet developed these resources, discuss possibilities with them. This conversation can be more difficult, so take your time and ask your kids to listen patiently—the way you did for them.

Your kids are grown, but they're still young. They likely have not experienced the struggles you've encountered, such as immigration, illness, or the death of friends or a spouse.

When talking about the pandemic, past and present feelings will probably arise. But try not to discuss everything at once, as that can stir feelings of helplessness or fears about an uncertain future.

Your goals are to feel connection, love, and understanding. They're not to cause further trauma by jumping into past struggles. You want to underwhelm, not overwhelm.

The crux of the matter is to stay focused, at least at first, on the present pandemic and how you can support each other through it, even from afar.

Most of all, keep in tune with your adult child's emotions. If they like concrete explanations and suggestions, after you've listened carefully, go with that. If they want more in-depth discussions, give them that.