6 Ways To Optimize The Time You Have With Your Kids & Create Lasting Memories

Here, pulling from my experience as a mom and holistic psychiatrist, I'm going to give you a few tips on how to not "miss it" with your kids (even if life's crazy) so you can create memories and a bond that lasts:

First of all, lower your expectations for yourself as a parent. I was an amazing aunt, but by most measures, I'm a far "inferior" mother—and that's OK. When you're a casual acquaintance to a kid, you want to slurp up any sip of connection and affection you can manage. With your own kids, the body-invading-endless-neediness hits you like water from a fire hose, and you're drowning. If we have some image of ourselves always doing blissed-out yoga with our kids or never being that parent on their phone at the playground, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment. It's not possible to drink from a fire hose, and it's not possible to be a perfect parent. But there are techniques for how to enjoy and bond with our kids.

I want to bond, connect, snuggle, and be a perfectly present parent on the rare lazy Saturday morning when I have nothing to do but be completely available for my daughter. But in those moments, she couldn't care less that I'm there. Instead, she seems to want to connect any time I have a work deadline, when I'm running out the door to catch a flight, or those spiritual moments where the water is boiling over on the stove at the same time the phone is ringing and someone's at the door. The art of present parenting is recognizing that the moments when she wants to connect are a precious gift occasionally worth missing deadlines and flights for. So what do you do? You just close your laptop, even though it feels like the weight of the world is in your inbox. It turns out, the relentless to-do's of life are not real life. Your child, that's the real thing that's happening here.

But I didn't shy away from what she was really feeling. I gave her space to be authentic and vulnerable yet seen and accepted by me. I demonstrated that I can tolerate her big feelings and she can too. As parents, we can model tolerating big feelings, and this is a gift to our kids who are about to go through all the challenges of life. If you're a parent, read your Brené Brown, and start applying it now, even if you have a toddler.

So, my suggestion is to review your budget and reallocate some funds toward outsourcing effectively, such as grocery delivery, a baby sitter who can help with school drop-off and pick-up, help with cleaning and laundry, or even a TaskRabbit to help with cooking. The holy grail is to have a baby sitter who helps cook and clean while your kid sleeps and you get a break. Dream big!

I could go into a whole long explanation, but honestly, all that needs to be said here is this: Put down the phone. It's ingeniously engineered to steal our attention. Unfortunately, human children, as charming as they are, may need a software upgrade before they're able to compete with Instagram. So, if your phone is getting in the way of your ability to be present with your kids (which—spoiler alert—it is), take steps to curb the habit: Use the screen time function, delete certain social media apps, or just throw the thing out the window. These addictive devices are robbing our kids of fully present parents.

As busy parents, we're bound to feel guilt and disappointment at missing certain moments with our kids. But making sure we're truly present when we're with them is the best way to ensure that the time we share together is optimized to its fullest potential. Whether it's putting down the phone, closing the laptop, or asking for help with laundry, these small steps can make the biggest difference in creating connections and memories that last and making sure we don't miss this most precious blink of an eye.