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How To Make Time With Family & Friends More Meaningful
While the holidays may herald angels singing, they also herald that one uncle who's asked to leave every year and your mom's cousin who doesn't seem to talk about anything but politics. Differences and family feuds aside, the holiday season is when most of us have the opportunity to spend more time with friends and extended family that the kids perhaps don't get to see as often or are maybe meeting for the first time.
With all the pressure to make it tolerable for all, many of us may forget to make it meaningful.
Ahead, child care expert and the author of Why Will No One Play With Me?: The Play Better Plan To Help Children of All Ages Make Friends and Thrive Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., shares a blueprint to help parents make the most of family gatherings this holiday season.
Be more present
"One of the most important (and often overlooked) keys to enjoying the time we spend with others is making sure we're present," says Maguire. With phones in every hand and FOMO on everyone's mind, it has never been easier to be in the room and still miss out.
"To make sure everyone makes the most of the time spent with family this season, parents are encouraged to keep kids off screens and model the behavior themselves." Without the crutch of devices and everything they do to steal our attention, there's plenty of room for warm connections.
Plan hands-on activities
Herding everyone into the living room in an effort to encourage connections is almost guaranteed to backfire. Instead of forcing conversations through awkward silences, Maguire suggests planning more hands-on activities to loosen things up a bit. Some food for thought:
- Make gingerbread houses
- Play board games
- Take things outside with a game of family football
- Decorate cookies
Even better, think about setting up multiple stations around the house so friends and family can choose what they want to do or hold a contest where the gang breaks up into teams.
Lean into cultural traditions
"With so much divisiveness around us, family gatherings can be precarious at best," says Maguire. In many cases, Peace on Earth and goodwill to all is easier said than done. To get past differences, Maguire suggests leaning into family traditions. "My family makes fudge," she says.
Likewise, she encourages parents and families to dust off an old family recipe and get everyone involved. Whether it's your grandma's South African malva pudding or your abuela's tamale recipe, "everyone working toward a common goal is an excellent way to leave our differences at the door and nurture those connections," says Maguire.
And Maguire adds, "If you don't have any family traditions, you can always start one."
Make an effort to bridge generational gaps
Whether it's tales of days gone by or something that happened last month, one of the best parts of visiting with family is the stories. Not only can they be learning experiences, but they are also a great way to bridge the gap between young and old. To make these interactions more meaningful, Maguire says, "Parents should encourage kids to ask from the perspective of learning, and adults should think about their legacy and impact on the next generation."
Understandably, it can be hard for kids to get the ball rolling, so here are some great conversation starters:
- What is your favorite thing about the holidays?
- How did you get the nickname?
- What was your house like as a child?
- What did your friends do for fun when you were young?
- Did you ever get in trouble as a child or teenager?
- How did you meet Grandma/Grandpa?
- What is the earliest memory that you have?
Take a walk down memory lane
Nothing gets things going like a stroll down memory lane. So before your family gets together, think about reaching out to the elders of the group and ask them to bring any old photos or albums they may have. A visual to go along with those wonderful stories and the ability to put faces to names can be priceless.
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