How To Know If You Have Anorgasmia + 9 Steps To Treating It

If you consistently can't reach orgasm during sex, especially as a woman, you may wonder if you have a physical problem. People who don't climax or struggle with it regularly may be dealing with anorgasmia, though getting the "diagnosis" of anorgasmia itself is less important than getting to the root cause of your orgasm difficulties.

"I choose not to use these diagnoses because they are gendered and pathologize normal variations in human sexuality. I prefer to use language like 'problems having orgasms,' as this feels more reflective of the situation," Fogel Mersy notes.

While it's common for women to struggle with orgasm, it's not because it's "naturally" harder for women to climax than it is for men. The vast majority of women can reach orgasm from masturbation; it's heterosexual partnered sex that's not particularly stimulating, largely because penis-in-vagina intercourse usually doesn't stimulate the clitoris, the main source of women's pleasure. (Here's more on the science of orgasms.)

Here are a few helpful ways to know if you might have anorgasmia:

But if you're consistently having trouble reaching orgasm in all circumstances, it's worth checking in with your doctor. Likewise, if you've noticed a significant change in your experience of orgasm or your ability to reach orgasm, that's something to talk to a professional about just in case there's a physical cause that should be addressed.

Some people need very specific types of stimulation to reach orgasm: For example, they might definitely need oral sex, or clitoral stimulation, or for sex to last a certain length of time, or for a vibrator to be in play. Some people are more able to reach orgasm in certain sex positions, some people are best able to get off from rough sex, and others prefer the slow sensuality of something like tantric sex. If you haven't experimented a lot with sex, it's possible you just haven't found the right kind of sexual stimulation that gets you there.

Notably, not all doctors are trained to treat sexual issues, especially the ones pertaining to pleasure. It can thus also be really helpful to work with a sex therapist, as sex therapists are specifically trained to treat you for any sexual dysfunction and help you figure out what's keeping you from having pleasurable, orgasmic sex.

If you feel like you can't reach orgasm during sex these days (or ever), here are a few next steps:

If there's a physical issue behind your anorgasmia, your doctor can help you figure out solutions—for example, adjusting medications, receiving estrogen therapy (through a pill, patch, or gel), or treating underlying conditions like depression or anxiety.

If you think your relationship with sex could be better, it can be helpful to listen to some sex-positive podcasts or read some modern books about sex. Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, The Sexually Liberated Woman by Ev'Yan Whitney, Becoming Cliterate by Laurie Mintz, and Pleasure Activism by adrienne maree brown are a few great places to start.

Your relationship with your body affects your sex life. Research has found a link between body image and sexual pleasure, and it's not just women who deal with self-consciousness about their bodies. Men's insecurities about penis size and body size can also mess with their ability to focus on pleasure. If you have a lot of anxiety about your body—or just don't feel particularly connected to your body—that might be an area to work on.

It can sometimes be hard to reach orgasm and enjoy sex with your partner if you're not totally comfortable with them or if you have ongoing issues in your relationship. Even relationship problems that aren't related to sex at all (e.g., fighting about household chores, or being too busy to spend time with each other, or feeling disrespected by your partner) can affect your ability to concentrate and climax during sex. Take some time to consider if there are any lingering tensions in your relationship that haven't been addressed, and see if coming to a better place with your partner might help with your ability to reach orgasm. (Or getting a new partner!)

Experiment with different types of masturbation techniques, pick up some new kinds of sex toys, and watch different types of porn to see if something gets you particularly turned on or can uniquely push you to orgasm.

Likewise, involve your partner in your exploration! Anorgasmia is frustrating, but finding solutions can be something that's a lot of fun. Sometimes just that extra communication and attentiveness from your partner can create the intimacy you need to connect in bed again and climax together. (Here's our guide to how to make a woman have an orgasm, plus other tips for how to please a woman.)

A 2019 study3 found people who practice mindfulness have more sexual satisfaction, and another study4 found people who meditate have better sexual functioning. Urman also recommends working to improve body awareness and minimize stress, both of which mindfulness can help with immensely.

You definitely don't need to work through these challenges by yourself. A good sex therapist or sex educator can help you explore many of these psychological and psychosomatic causes for anorgasmia, and they can guide you in techniques, reflections, and practices that can help you discover your orgasm again.

"Anorgasmia is a multilayered issue that needs to be addressed from a variety of angles," Urman reminds. She stresses the importance of "being able to have an open mind and willingness to experiment with different modalities and be creative."