The Best Way To End A Casual Relationship (And The Worst Way)

Breaking someone's heart—or wounding it, if you're in a more casual relationship—can suck. We always focus on how to heal a broken heart after being dumped, but we never acknowledge how crappy it is to be the heartbreaker. This is why I chose to do my master's research in the area. Below, how to end a casual relationship the right way.

I used to say, "I just don't like hurting people." I would then phase people out accordingly or slowly distance myself from them emotionally, which was easier on my conscience but far harder on my exes. I've since realized that sure, I don't like hurting people—but what's really happening is that I don't like guilt and anxiety and conflict, so I ignore or avoid the "problem" to gain the illusion that "it's" (they've) gone away. And the reality is that they might go away, but they do so wondering what the heck just happened (and sometimes send a string of angry text messages).

And here are some runner-up points to help with the transition:

Trying to blame it on something else just extends the process. For example, don't say, "I'm not emotionally available" or "You deserve better." Those statements might be true, but they're likely not the reason you want to end things. Try something like, "I'm not totally invested in this, and I don't think it's fair to you to continue stringing you along," or "I've been seeing someone else, and I think we're a better fit for each other."

Usually one person wants more.

Stop liking their Instagram photos and FB statuses, sending them messages ("Thinking of you!"), and texting them. It will be confusing for them and will delay their healing process.

I have a really hard time knowing people don't like me, but it's unrealistic to expect that an ex is going to just let a breakup slide off their back and switch to being buds with you. Being rejected hurts, angers, and confuses peeps. The more selfless thing you can do in this situation is be firm with your decision.

Feeling anxious, guilty, and conflicted (and anything else) is OK. It means you care. Don't try to ignore the feelings or tell yourself you shouldn't feel uncomfortable because you're choosing to end it. Be kind to yourself.

From that person and/or their allies. Anger is a natural reaction to hurt. Remember, you're likely not impermeable to insult, so ensure you have supporters as well to debrief any negative feedback you receive.

And remember this: