Want To Give Your Self-Esteem A Boost? Here's How, According To Experts

We live in a high-pressure world full of competition, social media comparison, and striving for perfection. The pressure's real—and let's be honest—it's messing with our heads. Amid all this noise, we need to protect our sense of self with consistently healthy self-esteem. 

And it's about more than just feeling good about yourself; healthy self-esteem is a profound inner conviction about our worth, capabilities, and place in the world. It can boost our mental and emotional well-being, helping us make choices that align with our true selves, foster resilience against adversity, and move us forward personally and professionally.

Self-esteem refers to an individual's overall sense of self-worth. It is an internal self-assessment of one's competence and desirability, and our emotions heavily influence this evaluation, which fluctuates with every shift in our external reality. As psychologist Ketan Parmar, M.D., MBBS, tells mindbodygreen, "[Self-esteem] is a subjective and emotional judgment that reflects how much one values, approves of, appreciates, prizes, or likes oneself."

Life experiences, childhood conditioning, culture, religion, and dominant thoughts shape self-esteem. As a measure of our innate worthiness, it can profoundly impact our mental health and well-being, the quality of our relationships, and the goals we pursue. 

Self-esteem typically falls within three ranges: low, high, and healthy or optimal. Low self-esteem can result from internal perceptions and external influences. Constant negative feedback or a lack of praise from primary caregivers at an early age can also implant seeds of self-doubt.

Memories of childhood bullying, past traumas, and abuse can also affect self-esteem, according to clinical psychologist Harpreet K. Chattha, Ph.D., who tells mindbodygreen that negative experiences can become ingrained in one's memories. "These replay when they are faced with challenges and act to discourage and limit one's potential," she says.

The pressure to perform, conform, and meet the ridiculous standards set by social media can intensify feelings of inadequacy as well. As licensed professional counselor Alissa Martinez, M.S., LPC, NCC, explains, "In today's society where social media influence is strong, so is comparing ourselves to others. These comparisons make us feel like we don't measure up, which can also lower self-esteem."

One study1 on self-esteem's role in mental and physical health found that high self-esteem promotes better overall health and positive social behaviors. Conversely, low self-esteem is linked to various mental disorders like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and issues like substance abuse and violence.

Low self-esteem also creates an echo chamber. Holding a negative self-perception leads to avoidance of challenges, insecure relationships, and missed opportunities, resulting in an unfulfilling life and a lack of positive validation. The cycle continues as the negative self-talk further damages an individual's self-image and through it, their choices and behavior.

Such low self-worth doesn't just impair your inner self, though—it can manifest as anxiety, depression, and a paralyzing fear of failure, making it hard for someone to advocate for themselves or break free from this vicious cycle.

Self-acceptance is the cornerstone of self-esteem. It involves embracing both the positive and the negative aspects of oneself and includes the willingness, despite imperfections, to see yourself as worthy of love, respect, and consideration.

As we cultivate self-acceptance, we find comfort in our skin and view failures not as proof of a personal lack but as opportunities for growth. Despite the challenges along the way, we navigate life with a sense of purpose, autonomy, and a positive self-regard, treating ourselves with the same generosity we so freely offer others.

As licensed therapist Julia Baum, MSEd, LMHC, tells mindbodygreen, "I advocate for accepting yourself unconditionally […] It simply means that you've decided to recognize that you don't have to be perfect to be worthy. From this perspective, you can better find a healthy will to work on what you can improve and accept things outside of your control."

A growth mindset allows individuals to believe skills and knowledge can grow through dedicated effort and commitment. When picking new goals, such individuals rely on something other than innate talent or the confidence boost derived from past accomplishments. Instead, they see new challenges as opportunities, past failures as learning experiences, and remain committed to continuous growth and learning.

"It's vital to take action and refuse to berate yourself when you make a mistake or falter in some way. The more you work at this, the easier it becomes," Baum says, adding, "You cannot feel self-confident without believing you can get up and keep going if you fall. Self-confidence isn't thinking you will succeed; it's knowing you'll be OK if you don't."

Our thoughts and beliefs impact our emotions, and those, in turn, move us toward positive actions or, in the case of negative beliefs, keep us passive through life. If left unchecked, such negative thoughts can worsen our self-image and deepen feelings of inadequacy. 

Identify thoughts and beliefs that don't serve you. Then, challenge them; question their validity. Explore and reframe the story sustaining these beliefs to something positive and supportive. Further, they lose power when we don't find proof to support our (usually exaggerated) opinions.

And according to Chattha, your self-esteem needs constant nourishment—it's not a one-time fix. "It is an ongoing effort to improve your beliefs about yourself and staying aware of when your thoughts and actions are not serving you," she explains. 

Creating a network of supportive, loving individuals can give us an environment that actively encourages positive emotions.

When we suffer from self-esteem issues, it can help to have friends and family members that remind us of how much we are loved and valued. A good, empathetic listener can help us let out our insecurities, and in doing so, examine them more objectively. 

Prioritize relationships that uplift you, and limit interactions with people who drain you or make you question your self-worth. Be selective with your time, energy, and emotions.

Low self-esteem can make one cling to their comfort zone. Even if we don't always win, having positive experiences as we take on new challenges and explore unfamiliar territories can also highlight our inner strength. 

Choose achievable goals like practicing yoga for a month or mastering a new recipe. Due to their simplicity, the plans will be manageable, but accomplishing them will contribute positively to self-esteem. 

"Take small steps outside of your comfort zone, like trying new things or setting achievable goals. When you succeed at these small things, you'll slowly begin to feel a boost in your confidence," Martinez suggests. 

Physical, mental, and emotional health are all interconnected. Feeling good in one's body often leads to a positive mental state and vice versa. On the other hand, an exhausted body or mind tends to be emotionally more reactive and sensitive to negative experiences.

Prioritize quality sleep, maintain a balanced diet, and avoid consuming junk. Exercise daily—our body image improves when we are in good shape or even just working toward fitness goals.

If we must compare our reality to the airbrushed perfection of someone else's life, let's first fortify our inner defenses by reminding ourselves of our accomplishments.

Create a highlight reel and a repository of positive feedback so the good in you is as accessible as all the negativity. Approach your loved ones, valued colleagues, collaborative partners, and trusted supervisors, and ask them to recall a time when they found you truly impressive. See yourself through their eyes and learn about the qualities that draw others to you.

Create a list of your internal strengths. Write about the struggles you've endured, the failures you've overcome, and the accolades you've earned. Use this piece of paper to bolster your self-esteem whenever it's under threat.

Self-assertion can boost your self-esteem and inspire respect in others. Set clear boundaries with others and yourself, stop people pleasing, and say no when necessary. If there's someone you admire for their strength, try to nurture similar qualities in yourself. 

Just as you build relationships with others, develop a relationship with yourself. When a loved one dismisses themselves, we rise in their defense and advocate for them, even if it means standing against their very own ideas and beliefs. When we sincerely care for someone, we cherish their well-being and value their best qualities. Create a similar bond with yourself.

Begin with understanding yourself better. Notice the aspects of your personality and character that bring you joy. Celebrate your wins. Compliment yourself daily. Stay in conversation with yourself. Talk yourself to a healthy place when the negative self-talk begins. When someone crosses a line, advocate for yourself and set firm boundaries. Most importantly, treat yourself with the same respect and compassion you'd offer a dear friend.

According to a study6 in the Psychological Bulletin, the level of someone's self-esteem is not as critical as the manner in which it is pursued. When establishing one's self-worth, we always pick goals for external validation. However, when we prioritize praise and admiration, growth and learning get sidelined because self-worth that relies on validation leads to fragile self-esteem.

Choose goals that transform your inner environment and promote self-discovery and growth. Goals rooted in self-improvement shift attention from external perceptions, to personal evolution, creating self-worth anchored in genuine change—not mere appearances. They also generate a sense of purpose that goes beyond social applause. They remind us that we are defined not by our mistakes but by our capacity to learn and adapt. 

When ego is not so dominant, self-acceptance becomes easier. Integrating spirituality can further help by instilling humility within us; we're reminded of how inconsequential we are in the grand scheme of things. It emphasizes the unity of all beings and gently persuades us not to indulge in self-aggrandizement but instead turn our attention toward the ascension of our soul.

Therapy with a qualified expert can help reach the root cause of our insecurities and low self-esteem, and attending focused workshops can accelerate our learning and give us a supportive community, as well.

If you're struggling with your self-esteem, according to Parmar, you should seek help when it interferes with daily functioning or causes significant distress.

"Low self-esteem can be a symptom of an underlying mental health condition that requires professional treatment," he says, noting that some signs that indicate the need for help include persistent negative thoughts or feelings about oneself; experiencing severe depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts; difficulty coping with stress or trauma; isolating oneself; problems with eating, sleeping, or concentrating; and/or frequent conflicts or arguments with others.

Over time, low self-esteem can get embedded into our self-perception and inner dialogue. As it shifts our self-image, we may gravitate toward choices, relationships, and opportunities that are less than what we deserve while simultaneously declining potentially life-altering invites out of fear and self-doubt.