5 Very Practical Ways To Boost Your Emotional Intelligence, According To Psychologists

Emotional intelligence is a popular term that's often thrown around in conversations dealing with effective communication and fostering long-lasting, healthy relationships. However, developing a robust amount of emotional intelligence (sometimes called EQ, or emotional quotient) could present as overwhelming, especially if you're not sure where to start or what the term actually means. 

Essentially, EQ is honing in on your ability to become aware of and regulate your own emotions while also empathetically being aware of the emotions and reactions of those around you. As you become more and more emotionally intelligent, you're enabled to govern your relationship with yourself and others more efficaciously, even in the face of conflict. 

We've all been there: Something bad happens, whether a breakup or a tough meeting at work, and we come home and drown out the feelings by distracting ourselves with anything that's available to us. According to licensed clinical psychologist Amber Groomes, Ph.D., numbing emotions out is a surefire way to deplete your EQ. "Stop numbing out," Groomes tells mbg. "There are endless ways to numb ourselves to our emotions. Relying on drugs or alcohol, screens, social media, food, television, etc., to avoid feeling our emotions can become a hard-to-break habit that puts us chronically out of touch with what we feel."

We talk about it all the time here at mbg, but that's because it's the truth: Journaling daily for self-reflection is a great tool to stimulate self-awareness and, tangentially, EQ, according to counseling psychologist Melissa H. Smith, Ph.D.

Check in periodically about your emotional experience. "Set an alarm throughout the day and check in with your emotions," Smith says. "Ask, 'What am I feeling?' Get curious about your emotions and ask, 'What is contributing to these feelings?'" 

Learn to validate. According to Groomes, validating another's emotions means being able to identify what a person is feeling and why that feeling makes sense based on what they are going through. 

To support your practice of validation, clinical social worker and therapist Alixandra Foisy, LCSW, RYT, suggests repeating what you hear when you're engaged in conversations with others. "We often think we have heard someone but don't really get it," Foisy tells mbg. "By repeating back what someone says in your own words, you can show them that you are listening and want to get it right."

The more you train yourself to identify other people's emotions—and check in to make sure you're right about them—the better you'll be at it.