The Mental Load Amps Up A Lot Around The Holidays — Here's What To Do About It

The holiday season is the most wonderful time of the year, but it can also be the most stressful.

The "mental load," aka the invisible labor involved in managing a household and family, typically falls on women's shoulders1. And if it wasn't obvious, that can put a serious strain on not only the woman of the house but the relationship between her and her partner.

You can probably already imagine the mental load that goes into planning the holiday season. As licensed marriage and family therapist Erin Pash, LMFT, tells mindbodygreen, everything from stressing about money for gifts to planning secret Santas to keeping track of all the holiday invites can be incredibly overwhelming.

And beyond just financial stressors, there's a lot of pressure for moms to give their families the "best" holiday season ever. It's exciting to think you've found the perfect gift for your daughter, for instance, but then there's also the fear of disappointment if they don't like it. "There's this intense fear of disappointment, like, 'What if I can't pull it off? What if I get the wrong thing? There's that worry and concern," Pash says.

Top that all off with a dose of seasonal depression, and you're cooking with some turbulent waters. As Pash notes, this won't apply to everyone, but women are four times more likely to be diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder than men—and that's definitely not going to help when it comes to getting through the holidays.

What's the point of partnership if not to be partners? As Pash tells mindbodygreen, "If people are coupled or married, you have to divide and conquer—and I think it starts with a really honest conversation around alignment."

Once you're both on board with handling the holidays as a team, find a time to sit down and map it out, Pash suggests. "My significant other and I literally set time on our calendar to go through everything—make the list, purchase what we can ahead of time, etc., so we can check things off," she adds.

Think about things like your budget, who you're buying for, who will handle which gifts, and of course, your family calendar.

Finally, as you're mapping out your plans—or even running into snafus, which are bound to happen—manage expectations for yourself and everybody else, and don't be afraid to set boundaries.

As Pash says, for example, "If you're burnt out because you don't love the picture you took of your family this year, just don't send the holiday card, and you will survive."