This Is How Keeping Secrets Can Harm (& Sometimes Help!) Your Health

Not every secret has to be a huge, life-altering piece of information, but still, all these skeletons in the closet can become quite a burden. In fact, Slepian says keeping secrets can ultimately harm your well-being—while a very specific set of secrets can actually bolster your longevity. Below, find out whether the secrets you're keeping can enhance or hinder your health goals.

It's not the type of secret per se that is more or less harmful to your health—for example, it's not as if someone who has more than 13 secrets is struggling more than someone who keeps only three. "No particular secret necessarily is harmful to you," Slepian says. "When a secret is harmful to you is when you find yourself ruminating on it. When you find yourself stuck on it, and you find yourself unsure what to do or feeling ashamed." If your mind frequently wanders back over to that secret again, and again, and again, it can start to harp on your well-being. 

Social connection is so important for mental and physical health—research has even shown that being lonely can affect the immune response2—but by keeping secrets, you might never be able to fully break down that emotional wall. 

The information will be discovered at some point, but you get to control the reveal, which is precisely why these secrets feel so good. "Because we have this clear expiration date set into the future [and] we're really planning how this information comes out, we feel really in control over our positive secrets. And this is a really healthy feeling," Slepian says. "When we feel in control of our lives, we live a healthier life. We are better at coping with life stressors3, people who feel in control live longer—it's a really fundamental feeling for health." 

Keeping secrets, even tiny, unassuming ones, may have a negative impact on your well-being—especially if you're constantly ruminating over the information. That's not to say everyone should become an open book (there's a difference between secrecy and privacy, Slepian notes), but know that if you do have a secret that upsets you, you don't have to carry the burden alone. Slepian affirms, "As isolating as it can feel to have a secret, we all keep secrets, and we all keep the same kinds of secrets."