How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex? What The Research Tells Us

If you're married and not very happy with your sex life at the moment, it's normal to wonder about...well, what's normal.

Here's what we know about how often married couples have sex, according to research and experts.

In 2013, AARP reported that in a study of over 8,000 people over 50 years old conducted by sociologists Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., and James Witte, Ph.D., 31% of couples have sex a few times a week, 28% of couples have sex a few times a month, 8% of couples have sex once a month, and 33% of couples rarely or never have sex.

Among people in their 70s, a 2015 study1 published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found 33% of sexually active men and 36% of sexually active women had sex at least twice a month.

For people in their 80s, 19% of sexually active men and 32% of sexually active women had sex at least twice a month.

According to the International Society for Sexual Medicine, the 2010 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior found almost 25% of partnered women over age 70 had sex more than four times a week.

"Frequency of sex seems to decrease overall as couples age," Howard says. Though citing studies on older adults' sex lives like those above, she adds: "Age is just a number!"

There is no ideal number of times every married couple should be having sex.

What each couple needs or wants will vary based on their own personal preferences.

"The frequency that a couple 'should' be sexual is the frequency that they negotiate based on their individual needs and levels of desire. There is no one size that fits all here," Fogel Mersy says. "I hesitate to recommend a specific number because it won't fit for a good portion of the population. When people use a statistic to determine their sexual frequency, it reinforces performative sex, which is when you go through the motions just to check the box."

That said, Howard notes that a 2015 study2 published in Social Psychological and Personality Science journal found couples are happiest when they have sex about once a week.

Their happiness with the relationship decreased when couples had sex less frequently than that, but it didn't increase if they had sex more often than that.

"The first thing I recommend is for partners to have a discussion about their feelings and needs," Fogel Mersy explains. "It's important that this gets explicitly verbalized so there isn't miscommunication or assumptions."

Howard adds: "I will always recommend couples to keep an open mouth when it comes to discussing sex. Talk to each other often."

"For couples who might be struggling with sexual intimacy but feel connected in other areas of the relationship, I recommend scheduling sex. Yes, I said schedule sex," says Howard. "It doesn't make sex less spontaneous. Scheduling sex is a way to show your partner that you want to prioritize sex just as you do other areas of importance in your life."

How do you do that? Howard's advice: "Scheduling sex doesn't mean that your sex life will run on a schedule like, every Tuesday, at 8 p.m., in the missionary position, for six minutes. No, not like that. Sometimes scheduling sex is telling your partner to be naked when you get home."

"A qualified sex therapist or sex coach can help you collaborate on the best methods to increase the sexual intimacy in your relationship," says Howard.

This can be a lot more fun than it might sound. Yes, there will be some tough and vulnerable conversations, but there's also often fun sexual homework and creative ideas to bring sexual energy back into the relationship.

There is no ideal number of times a married couple should have sex. It will depend on the couple's personal desires and needs.