7 Ways I've Learned How To Overcome Difficult Circumstances

My family has obviously lived outside the safe zone for a long time, and that's taught me some pressure-tested strategies to stay sane in unpredictable scenarios. Living with uncertainty, and finding the reality between denial and catastrophizing, requires practice and support. But it is possible.

This was mostly wrung out of me after 11 of Mason's surgeries. It felt disloyal to have personal needs, much less wants. I would sleep, exercise, breathe...I was "fine." But it wasn’t until I admitted how afraid and overwhelmed I was that I felt a shift. Telling the truth and admitting to myself where I was at, and starting from there, were essential. You don't have to wait for things to get better before you do.

Acknowledge and accept your feeling, while also recognizing there’s a point when planning and preparation can devolve into obsession. Phone a trusted friend, and talk about what's happening, what’s real versus fear, and what action, if any, can be taken.

I often catch myself mentally rewriting the past, could-have's and should-have's. And the result is always the same: nothing changes besides my lack of presence with "now." Similarly, I try to master the future by considering looming possibilities, as if the preemptive anxiety provides extra credit when the real thing come about. This is when I'll focus on the ground, take a slow, deep inhale, and say that simple prayer, “help.” At times when I couldn't leave Mason’s bedside, this is what I learned. The root of the Hebrew word for spirit is breath or air, and in every moment, we have access to it.

We can practice in small ways, like letting others in front of us in traffic, and paying extra close attention when someone helps us (be it a sales clerk or a doctor). Once in a while, a friend might apologize to me for bringing up her struggles, saying "it’s nothing like what you’re dealing with.” But let's not compare suffering—we all deal with our own challenges. And ironically, sometimes it's nice to have a break from your own and help with someone else's.

My friend Joan always said, “You’ll know what to do when the time comes.” (If you don’t know, then the time hasn’t come yet.) We plan for what we can, but much of what lies ahead is unknowable. But I’ve dealt with the unknowable before, and so have you. I mostly don’t feel brave and prepared, but maybe that's what courage is.

If I were given the chance to speak to the younger me, on the afternoon of Mason’s diagnosis, I’d tell her, “You’ll be okay. It’s just that your definition of okay might need to change.” So, just for today, don’t spend hours reading about the worst things that might happen. Know that safety and security can't necessarily be stockpiled, but rather can be found deep inside. Be patient with yourself, lean on each other, and trust in better days to come.