The Beauty Of Connection: Why People Love Bonding Over Beauty Tips

One of the things I love most about beauty is how it helps us connect—both with ourselves and others. We've talked before about how taking care of your skin or hair can help you get in touch with yourself, your priorities and needs, and how you view yourself. But it's also a conduit for community and relationships: We can bond over beauty rituals, learn how to care for ourselves through those around us, and connect with complete strangers on topics both frivolous and serious. 

For many of us, our first experiences with self-care and beauty are through our closest relationships—be it family or friendships. For example, DeVard Ozaydinli tells me about how seeing her mom's rituals informed her own, especially now that she's a mother. "I had very few images of Black women indulging in beauty [portrayed in the media] growing up—so that's why seeing my mom take care of herself was so important," she says. "I can remember it so crystal clear: Putting on the lipstick, the fragrance, and laying out the clothes. It was the ritual of getting ready. Even being at a very young age, I understood that this was her process."

But our sense of beauty and our relationships are symbiotic, too. We don't simply learn how to take care of ourselves through others—we also learn how to view ourselves. Whether we realize it or not, our relationships, and the quality of those relationships, affect our sense of self. "One thing I always ask my guests is, 'When do you feel most beautiful?' and so many people answer it 'When the person I love sees me.' I think it's so amazing to hear because there's something about that person's love that's transmitting onto you and making you feel beautiful and good about yourself," she says.

The research shows this too. In 2019 the American Psychology Association published a meta-analysis of two decades of research, finding that positive social relationships and social support helped shape the development of self-esteem. They also found that when people have low self-worth, it negatively affects their relationships. Clearly, relationships and feeling good about yourself go hand-in-hand.