How To Hold Yourself Accountable With Self-Love In 6 Simple Steps

Everyone talks about the importance of self-love, but what does self-love look like in a practical sense? The ability to hold yourself accountable in a loving way and have healthy boundaries with yourself is one grounded, actionable application of self-love.

Self-love is about unconditional love and being able to meet yourself with love even when you disappoint yourself. However, it may not be about giving yourself a free pass but rather using self-love to help you face your fears, seek out support for self-sabotaging behaviors, push yourself to take healthy risks, dig deep to bring out your best, and be honest with yourself when you regret an action or make a poor decision. That all falls under the accountability category. 

Accountability and self-discipline go hand in hand. Many people think of discipline as having a punishing quality, but it doesn't have to. When you view self-discipline as an ally to accomplishing your goals, bringing out your best, and taking good care of yourself, you can think of self-discipline as the helpful inner coach or loving inner parent who enforces discipline only because they want the best for you.

My annual calendar of self-love affirmations and action steps, A Year of Self-Love, is written in the first person for a reason—because that's how we talk to ourselves with our inner dialogue.

Talking to yourself in kind and gentle ways is something most people have to practice. You may have grown up in a culture, household, or educational system where adults didn't know how to hold you accountable in a loving way. Instead, they talked to you in the way it was modeled for them when they were young—via judgment and shame.

We often realize we need to make a big change in our life that's intimidating—like getting sober, separating from a partner, or changing our parenting style—via a moment of startling clarity. Like when you check your bank balance and see that you're short again due to a late-night, online shopping spree you didn't even remember. But this time when you look at the numbers on the screen, you know in your gut you need to hold yourself accountable to change or get help for this behavior.

You can honor that honest insight in a compassionate way, like being proud you've had this realization or reading articles on shopping addiction to better understand your behavior, or talking to your counselor about it for support.

There's so much in life we cannot control. Yet there are often numerous elements of your own personal life you can exert more healthy control over. Ask yourself, "What can I control in this situation?" when facing a tough or daunting issue with your job, health, or living situation.

Holding your present self accountable in a loving way is showing up for your future self. Paying extra on your mortgage each month today could be something your future self thanks you for 20 years from now, for example, if you need to make a career change and can pay off your loan early.

Being a mindful steward of your community, living green to help the planet, and sharing your resources with people like refugees who are struggling to attain the basics are actually acts of self-love.