16 Green Flags To Look For In A New Relationship, From A Dating Coach

So, let's talk about some green flags in relationships—i.e., signs that you're with someone who will probably make for a great partner: 

It's inevitable that couples will disagree and unintentionally hurt each other from time to time, and being able to listen well and really make an effort to understand your partner's perspective is key to healthy conflict resolution. So, a date who shows the ability to listen well early on is not only showing that they're going to take the time to understand you deeply; they're also showing that they'll be able to hear you out in moments of conflict and really try to understand your side of the story.

Being able to go deep and get emotional is another green flag in a potential romantic partner. A healthy relationship requires two people who can recognize their own emotions, where they stem from, and what they need in a given moment, and who are then able to share those emotions and needs with each other. A person who can tap into and talk about their emotions with ease is demonstrating important relational skills.

Likewise, it's a green flag if a person demonstrates overall self-awareness, including being aware of their emotions, behaviors, hopes, dreams, fears, and patterns, as well as how their actions may affect others. A person who spends time reflecting on their experiences and trying to better understand themselves is more likely to be intentional about how they behave in relationships and more likely to be able to identify issues in the relationship as they come up. Self-awareness also means they'll be able to recognize and admit when they're the one contributing to the issues.

Empathy is the ability to understand and relate to another person's emotions, or even share them. A good partner is able to recognize not only their own emotions but also yours. They might feel sad when you're sad, or they can at least understand when and why you're experiencing sadness, show compassion in such moments, and make you feel validated in what you're going through. They can also identify how a person might emotionally respond to a certain situation, and they act in ways that prevent potential harm and support opportunities for joy.

Relationships will always require active effort and equal give-and-take from both parties. And fortunately, that's a quality you can actually suss out fairly early on in a relationship.

At the same time, a healthy relationship moves at a pace that feels good for both people and allows both people to think, process, have fun, and develop feelings for each other gradually. It's a green flag when a new partner is willing to give you space and let you take your time, even if their feelings or readiness for commitment might be a little further along than yours are. There's never any pressure or attempts to forcibly escalate the intensity of the relationship before you're ready. (That's known as love-bombing, by the way, and it's known to be a common antecedent to abuse.)

Relationships require this type of vulnerability in order for real intimacy to develop; people need to be willing to take emotional risks and open themselves up to the possibility of love (or rejection). A person who's emotionally unavailable or afraid of intimacy is often trying to protect themselves from those risks—which doesn't at all make them a bad person, but it does mean they're preventing this particular relationship from deepening.

In comparison, it's a red flag if a person you're seeing keeps you in the dark about their intentions for the relationship. A caring, mature partner doesn't play games.

They care about your feelings and well-being, and they put in the effort to treat you well. Importantly, this kindness isn't selectively given—they're equally as kind when you need to cancel plans as they are when they know they're going home with you. They're even caring and gentle when you two are in conflict.

They also extend that care and consideration to everyone in their lives—their mom, their friends, the waiter, even their exes. How they treat the other people in their lives is a reflection of how they'll eventually treat you once the two of you are more established in your relationship. No one is perfect 100% of the time, but in general, you want to be with a person who is consistent in trying to do right by other people.

It's a green flag when the person you're interested in dating is stable. Meaning, you can trust that they'll be consistent in how they treat you and how they approach various situations in life. Volatility and unpredictability, on the other hand, can be red flags—if you don't know how your partner will generally behave from moment to moment, you'll struggle to feel safe in your relationship. Roller-coaster romance makes for interesting movies, but in real life, comfort and balance are needed for healthy love to flourish.

You feel like you can just be yourself around this person, without worrying too much about trying to impress them or walking on eggshells not to upset them. You can be honest and speak your mind. Feeling at ease with someone is always a green flag—it's an internal signal that you feel safe with this person—a core building block of trust.

Truly no one is perfect when it comes to relationships, and it's important for a romantic partner to be able to recognize their own shortcomings and the areas where they still need to grow—both as a partner and as a person. It's a green flag when someone can take feedback without getting defensive, take responsibility for their actions and issues, and then actually take steps toward change. Values and words should translate into actions.

Even an all-around great person still needs to take time to learn what it means to be a great partner to you, specifically. They take the time to understand what it is you need from the relationship, and they put forth their best effort to deliver and accommodate you. Likewise, they can recognize when they're not able to fully give you what you need, and they can communicate their boundaries and limits without making you feel "needy," dramatic, or unreasonable. 

Likewise, it's a good sign if your partner has strong, long-standing relationships, hobbies, and goals outside of you. That makes them less likely to rely on you and your relationship for their happiness—which is a good thing! That's too much responsibility for a person to have to be responsible for someone else's feelings of wholeness, no matter how in love you are.

So, if you two generally enjoy being around each other and bring out the best in each other, and the vast majority of your time together feels positive and pleasurable, that's a good sign for the relationship overall.