Veteran, Paralympian & Triathlete Melissa Stockwell On Resilience & Getting Other Athletes To The Starting Line

Over the last several months, I've been talking to a lot of top athletes across a wide variety of sports for this Game On series. I've also spoken to sports psychologists, researchers, and physicians about achievement, persistence, and what makes elite athletes perform at their best. One topic that comes up again and again is resilience—the proud ability to push forward, overcome, and thrive.

When I was offered the opportunity to speak with triathlete Melissa Stockwell, I immediately knew I wanted to talk to her about resilience. Stockwell is a three-time Paralympian (heading to her fourth Paralympics this year in Paris), triathlete, and veteran. 

Stockwell was deployed to Iraq in 2004. During her deployment, her vehicle was hit by a roadside bomb, and Stockwell lost her leg. She became the first female veteran to lose a limb during active deployment. And it wasn't just four years later that she'd become the first Iraq veteran to compete in the Paralympics at the 2008 Beijing Games. At the time, she competed in swimming—but eventually became the triathlete she is today. 

Alongside her rigorous training, Stockwell also dedicates her time to bringing other disabled athletes into the sport through her nonprofit Dare2Tri. 

"We encourage athletes to be active anywhere, from in the community to up to the Paralympic level, by providing the expensive adaptive sports equipment, coaching, training, and year-round programming," she tells me. "We say, 'The finish line is just the beginning for our athletes.' We want them to see how much ability is in their disability."

Now, she's partnered with the global Athletes for Good initiative, which is a campaign spearheaded by consumer goods company P&G, the Olympics, and the Paralympics, that champions charitable causes from athletes around the world. (Learn more here!) 

Melissa Stockwell: I started out swimming, and I loved to swim. The water had this healing effect. It made me feel whole again. 

Then I moved to the sport of triathlon. I was invited to do one, my first one, in 2009. I used to think triathletes were crazy. I mean, swim, bike, and run—who wants to do all that all at the same time? 

But once I did it, I fell in love with it. I loved the challenge of all three sports. I loved the challenge of the different prosthetic legs I had to wear. And I got to be on the same course as able-bodied athletes with all their limbs.

Stockwell: If I were to go to just a general person in the public and I say, "Hey, you want to do a triathlon?" They would look at me like I'm crazy. They'd say, "Oh, I could never do that." They can, of course, but people don't give themselves enough credit. 

And in the same vein, if I were to go up to someone who had a spinal cord injury and they're in a wheelchair or they're missing a limb or they're visually impaired, they probably would just think, There is no way I'm going to be able to do a triathlon. And the thing is, a person in a wheelchair can't just go into a bike store and get a bike. It has to be a specialized bike.

Stockwell: The mental part is just as important as the physical part, especially when you're racing. I've done the sport for many years and years, and I've learned when you get to that starting line, you just have to trust your training. You just have to trust that you've put in the work day after day. You have to trust that it's been enough. 

Stockwell: It's all in moderation, right? But as far as meals go, I get a lot of protein, carbs, and fat, just to make sure I'm getting the correct ratio of macros to help the body repair and rebuild muscle. Then we can be ready for the next day of training.

My go-to snacks after a big workout are things like yogurt, peanut-butter-filled pretzels, or yogurt and granola. At night, it's tricky. I have two kids. It's about trying to find the balance between meals that are healthy for me and that they enjoy. But it's a lot of chicken and rice or tacos. Really whatever we can find that's delicious and nutritious.

Stockwell: Recovery is the thing that typically gets cut when I don't have time. I spend most of my hours during the day working out—and then I pick my kids up from school or come home to my kids, and I put that mom hat on. So, there's not a lot of time for recovery, which I need especially as an athlete who's a little bit older. 

Stockwell: Sleeping's hard. I struggle with it, and I know a lot of people struggle with it.

Before a big competition, I know I'm not going to be sleeping. I know I'm not going to sleep the best, but in my mind, I know the adrenaline rush is going to keep me going the next day. So, having one or two bad nights of sleep won't really matter. After the race is when I'll get that makeup sleep. 

Stockwell: Number one, I don't think people give themselves enough credit on the things that they can do.

I lost a leg, and I've ended up better on the other side. Before, I would have never thought that that would be possible. Someone else will look at my situation and be like, "Oh, there's no way I can do that." The thing is, they just don't know because they haven't been put in that situation. But the answer is yes, they could do it.

So, I think resilience is built through having hard times, having obstacles, and having failures. Because once you make it through an obstacle or once you fail at something and you get through it, you realize that life does go on. It makes you realize, If something else comes up, I made it through that, so I can make it through this.

Like COVID for example—hopefully nothing ever happens like that in this world again—but if it does, we can look back and think We made it through. So, therefore, we can make it through again. 

Stockwell: My teammates are what keep me going. They are my second family. We're together hours a day. I think a good teammate is someone that picks you up when you're down. That always wants the best for you. Yes, even if that means that they're beating me—I still am proud and happy for them because I see the work that they put in every single day.

Stockwell: Dream big. Never let someone tell you that you can't do something until you get out there and try it.

And I don't think there's any such thing as a sport where women can't do it. Be that pioneer. Get out there. Find what you're passionate about. I think young girls and women will recognize pretty quickly the positive impact it has on their lives.