Caught In A Fight With Your Partner? Here's How To Reframe It To Find A Resolution

We can all understand the importance of empathizing with other people, and especially those we're closest with, such as our romantic partners. But when triggers arise and conflict is brewing, our ability to empathize can quickly go out the window.

If you've ever found yourself getting defensive with a partner, this might sound all too familiar: Your partner has a problem with something you did, and before you consider how they're feeling, your first knee-jerk reaction is to defend yourself.

But according to licensed couples' counselor Jessa Zimmerman, M.A., CST, while we all have a certain capacity and drive to defend ourselves, this kind of reaction can wind up spelling more trouble for your relationship.

As she previously told mindbodygreen, instead of jumping to your own defense, "Listen to what they're saying, and make sure that you understand it, from their perspective," adding not to stop "until you can get in their shoes and see it from their worldview."

While this slight adjustment in conflict resolution might seem small, it's actually creating a united front between you and your partner where the priority is teamwork, mutual understanding, and care—as opposed to playing on opposing sides.

As couples' therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, previously told mindbodygreen, "There are very few scenarios in which we truly need to defend our point of view. Rather, we are mostly driven to do so by the desire to be right. In these moments, she explains, we are coming from an ego-driven place, which further acts as a barrier to authentic communication and connection.

"Getting caught up in explaining why one person's perspective is right and the other person is wrong," according to Earnshaw, "is one of the most unhealthy communication dynamics that people can enter into in relationships."