I Have Dermatillomania: Here's What Finally Helped Me Stop Picking My Skin

As told to Lindsay Kellner by Ross Erin Martineau, a stylist, podcast host, yoga teacher, and self-diagnosed dermatillomaniac—a fancy term for obsessive skin picker—in recovery, but not fully recovered, taking it one day at a time.

Many people struggle with skin picking, or at the very least likes to mess with their skin on some level: Consider dermatillomaniac as a spectrum of intensity.

Before I was sober, I certainly went through phases of picking. For instance, in college, I would over-pluck my eyebrows. Technically that's trichotillomania behavior, or the obsession with pulling hair out, but it's a similar condition. But my facial picking didn't become a full-fledged obsession until I stopped drinking.

Dermatillomania and trichotillomania are what's known as body-focused repetitive behaviors, or "BFRBs" for short. As the picking started to take off, I wasn't aware of the terminology for a long time. To be honest, I just thought I had really bad skin. I'd think, "What's wrong; why can't I find the right treatment?" What I didn't realize was that I was actually exacerbating any minor blemish by touching my skin so much. It's called "scanning," the behavior that leads to a picking episode in which you are looking at your face or running your fingers over it, just looking for something to pop.

Traveling happens to be a trigger for me. I think it's because I want my skin to look a certain way in pictures—or not have to worry about wearing cover-up. I give myself permission to pick, thinking—with completely backward logic—I'm improving my skin, but then it inevitably spirals out of control. I had a really bad episode of picking two and a half years ago when I was on vacation. I remember waking up with painful scabs on my face and putting makeup on because I felt super self-conscious. I was anxious while having sex with my partner because I thought my makeup was coming off: Completely uncomfortable and not present whatsoever.

It took another vacation episode to realize that everything—my mood, my ability to participate—became completely wrapped up in my skin picking behavior. Sometimes I just wasn't willing to "do life" after a bad round of picking, and this was one of those times. I got to a friend's family house, bee-lined it to the bathroom, and completely destroyed my face. I got totally out of hand. I spent that whole vacation isolating. My face was in pain, with literal open wounds.

I didn't feel like I was in control. As a sober person, I know what unmanageability looks like, but I also know that support groups work for me. So I figured I'd give one a try.

I found a group for BFRBs, and it was exactly what I needed. The other people in the group had behaviors similar to mine, including the level of obsession. In group we worked on checking expectations of ourselves and holding ourselves back from doing certain things. I immediately felt much less alone and really connected to these people.

Even after going to the support group, I was still struggling with picking. I realized I needed more support. Last year, I found out about Annette Pasternak, who does online coaching through Skype. Working with her has been game-changing.

I absolutely think that self-care and having a spiritual practice have helped. I really need yoga and meditation to feel OK in life, and I think they've helped immensely with dermatillomania so much because, on a deeper level, the skin picking is a manifestation of depression, anxiety, self-loathing. I'm retraining my brain out of that stuff.

The most dangerous place to be when you have a problem with picking your face is in the scanning phase. For me, it's most likely to happen sitting on the couch, after work—I begin to mindlessly touch my face. It's a dissociative state and kind of relaxing. But preventing an episode is about getting myself out of that state as soon as I notice I'm there.

The fidget toys are also helpful—it gives my hands something else to do while I'm negotiating with my brain. Some people tape their fingers. Some people, myself included, will wear white cotton gloves so there is a physical barrier and a reminder not to pick.

I teach yoga, so I often look to breathwork and breathing techniques too. They can change my state quickly. 

I also keep my bathroom mirror completely covered at all times. Thankfully, my husband is encouraging and supportive. We have a towel over the mirror that is binder clipped to it. That's why travel can be challenging—it's difficult to escape bad lighting or a huge mirror you can't cover. I need tangible barriers.

Putting Manuka honey on my skin has helped, too, because it's healing and sticky.

Some people watch videos of skin picking or popping, but for me, videos like that ultimately trigger me more than they are helpful. I need to not engage that part of my brain and to find a solution that has nothing to do with it.

I didn't realize skin picking was an emotional coping mechanism until I was really injuring myself. In that way it led to a bizarre relationship with my body, one that's so compartmentalized. I think it's potentially similar in nature to eating disorders. We all have pressure on us to look and behave in certain ways, and some of us deal with this pressure through body-focused repetitive behaviors that we may not even be aware of.