10 Secrets To Cultivating Sexual Intimacy In A New Relationship

I know, this might leave you feeling panicky — I recommend creating a safety net first. Make sure you have support and trust before taking these risks.

It becomes easy to unintentionally send damaging messages like, "I'm too stressed to deal with you" instead of engaging in raw and soulful conversations. This will feel risky but will help solidify your emotional bonds and lead you toward feeling a sense of closeness. Here's how to start building that intimacy.

Once you've established a way to continuously foster trust through meaningful dialogue, here are 10 simple strategies to create intimacy in new (and old) relationships:

Speak to the best in each other. If you're like most people, you have a scared, angry, vindictive, or lazy side that limits the quality of your relationship. Fear doesn't need to run your relationship. Instead, operate from the best in you, bringing forth the part of you wanting a better relationship. P.S. This is where the best sex of your life comes from.

Focus on how grateful you are for the considerate things your partner says and does. Happy partners make a point of noticing even small opportunities to say thank you rather than focusing on mistakes.

Craving deeper, more open communication with your partner? Work on becoming a self-aware and nonjudgmental listener. Once you've tested the water and found it to be safe, practice being vulnerable and open — discuss your fears, share personal stories, and divulge your dreams and desires. The more you do this, the easier it gets.

You can also feed, bathe, or massage each other. Try listening to your partner's heartbeat, dance in the kitchen, or surprise your partner with a hug.

I know it's easy to say we're being spontaneous, but it can make a world of difference if you let yourself relax and enjoy the playful side of sex. Remember, there's no right or wrong way to have sex, and no one's grading you.

This one might surprise you. Desire is bound up with a healthy dose of entitlement and deserving. If you're shy in this area, you likely struggle with a lack of healthy entitlement and probably find yourself focusing on others' needs before your own. What do you need to feel awesome?

... for a little while. I repeatedly tell people in relationships if they simply put their phones away and turn their attention toward each other, they might notice they actually want to enjoy intimacy and sex. Today, we have access to everything on our mobile devices — emails, Pinterest, and Facebook-stalking … the list goes on. I challenge you to ban phones from the bedroom. Stop snooping on what everyone else is doing and focus on your own relationships.

Not wanting to let people down can make us afraid to say no. It's important to step back and stay centered — looking after ourselves first. Eroticism occurs in the space between self and other. If we're depleted, we'll never feel desire.

Don't be afraid to talk about what pleases you and what you want to try in the bedroom! Once you've talked about it, try it. People worry about whether they're weird or abnormal. In reality, there are no rights or wrongs when it comes to sexual pleasure; as long as there are consensual adults and no one is harmed, go for it.

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