20 Conflict Resolution Skills & Strategies For Work, Relationships & Beyond

Conflict resolution may seem straightforward—if there's a problem, then the people involved just talk about it, right? Well, it's not always that simple. It can be, but more often than not, we can quickly lose sight of the root of the issue in conversations that get derailed by misconstrued feelings, projections, assumptions, or needs. 

Learning conflict resolution skills is important to success at work and in life, says Margolis—but that doesn't mean it's easy for everyone.

No matter how much love two people have for each other, if they don't know how to effectively resolve conflicts, "they can easily deteriorate their relationship," Jeney tells mbg. "Conflict resolution serves as a place to build on trust, vulnerability, and clear up any misunderstandings, which all contribute to building more security within the relationship." 

Andrea Ulysse, who works as a human resources manager, and executive coach Sushil Cheema share some key signs and behaviors your colleagues or employees may display that indicate tension or unresolved conflict: 

"When a company, especially a human resources department, comes across this type of behavior, a plan should be put in place immediately to mitigate a hostile situation or create a poor company culture," advises Ulysse. 

Here are a few other signs of conflict she and marriage and family therapist Amelia Flynn, LMFT, say will let you know it's high time to resolve the issue:

Flynn explains that while it can be difficult to determine another person's personal limits or boundaries in conflict, abusive behavior should always be avoided entirely. That includes physical violation, intimidation or psychological manipulation, and escalating verbal conflict that includes excessive name-calling, belittling, or threatening language.

Strong communication skills are integral to the success of conflict resolution, says Flynn. These skills include:

As you communicate, keep Cheema's recommendation in mind: Focus on the specific facts and behaviors that led to the conflict rather than the personality differences that naturally exist between people. You might derail the conversation otherwise. 

"Frequently, conflict arises when someone rubs you the wrong way, and they aren't even aware that they did something to hurt or negatively impact you," says Margolis. Rather than add to your stress by assuming malicious intent and blocking the pathways of open communication, she says it's important to keep an open mindset.

Emotional intelligence is critical to the success of conflict resolution, according to Ulysse. As an HR professional, she ensures all employees are trained on the four key components of emotional intelligence, which are: 

In turn, she says they're able to look at the situation or conflict from a more understanding perspective. 

Jeney says successful conflict resolution requires both parties to be self-aware of their frustrations and anger, as well as clear on what change they need from the other person. It also helps significantly when you can both empathize with each other and take accountability for your behavior, even if you have different perspectives of the conflict. 

Until then, don't force the conversation, says Cheema. Instead, wait until everyone can talk in a calm and professional manner, not to mention respectful. "And if tensions start to rise, take a break—either for a few minutes or even for a few days—until you can regroup with more clarity and objectivity."

The resolution, then, is in the management of the problem or dispute rather than a conventional solution. Here's how you can reduce relationship conflict: 

"Learning about yourself is the key to starting the process of resolving conflicts with others," adds Jeney, who says that conflict often happens when we recreate similar patterns in our relationships from childhood. And sometimes, "we don't even realize we're projecting our expectations from past unmet needs."

To effectively manage conflict, Flynn says you have to be comfortable with the inevitable uncomfortable feelings that arise. Working on your tolerance for stress and ability to self-soothe amid conflict will help you push through in a productive way and empower you to have self-control.

"A criticism is an attack on a person's character, while a complaint is a request for change in a person's behavior," she writes at mbg. A complaint is descriptive and specific, she says, and it avoids words such as "always" and "never." Because this open-minded and blameless communication "includes an invitation to brainstorm about alternatives," it helps your partner be open to working together and less likely to react defensively.

Resolution isn't about who's right or wrong, reminds Flynn. It's about compromising and sacrificing some wants to find the best path forward. "In any relationship, you are on a team—remember the goal is for the betterment of the team, not just yourself as an individual." 

"Mutual respect is crucial to healthy communication skills and thus healthy conflict resolution," says Flynn. "Respect means, 'I value your opinion and equity in this relationship even when that may be difficult,'" which will allow more room for reconciliation to occur.

Here are a few ways Carroll says you can create a safe, welcoming environment that encourages you to communicate openly:

When you're ready to apologize to your partner, Fox suggests being genuine and vulnerable, and reminds that "a true apology comes without an explanation."

First and foremost, Margolis says the key to conflict resolution is simply expecting it and knowing it'll happen—because any time you put two people in the same space together, it's inevitable that conflict will eventually arise.

Ulysse notes that conflict resolution in the workplace ensures employees and departments can work well together without hostility or bitterness. Plus, both sides can have their unique perspectives heard. 

To pick the right conflicts to resolve, evaluate the conflict objectively. Ask yourself four important questions:

Realistically, of course, deciding to leave a conflict unresolved doesn't always come with the peace of mind you need to actually move on. If you're struggling to disengage from an issue that's not being resolved to your satisfaction, identify new ways to move forward in ways that serve your individual goals—whether that's transitioning to a new team or location, finding a new job, or agreeing to disagree. 

If you do decide to move forward with a conflict resolution process, pay attention to timing and workplace politics. Calculate whether the timing of crisis resolution is appropriate—because if the other person is experiencing other difficulties in their personal life or at work, Margolis says, "they may not have the emotional or mental bandwidth for a discussion." If you try to address an issue when not everyone is available to fully engage, you could even worsen the conflict.

Once you decide to move forward, Margolis' do's and don'ts about the proper conversation format are simple: 

From there, here are a few problem-solving strategies to employ:

Finally, check in with each other. Is anyone passive-aggressively agreeing, or did everyone take a deep, relieving breath? It's important that all involved parties have their needs met to some degree, so work together to set up achievable expectations that'll foster balanced resolution.

As you listen, Margolis says to do so without interruption, and by maintaining eye contact and managing your facial expressions. "Despite your desire to set the record straight, if the other person shares something you disagree with, let them finish." 

And besides helping you hold each other accountable in resolution, a mediator can advise preventive conflict resolution strategies for the future. 

However, learning resolution takes a lot of time, patience, and realistic expectations, so give yourself and the other person grace along the way. Although relationships may always experience conflict, Jeney says you'll find healing and peace if all parties involved are committed to working on themselves plus your projections and insecurities, and learning how to effectively communicate them.