Are You Manipulative? 13 Behaviors To Watch For In Yourself

If you're here, you may be feeling like it's time to check yourself. So, we asked the experts what manipulation can look like, manipulative behaviors to watch out for, and of course, how you can work to stop being manipulative.

"If you think you're being manipulative, you probably are," he adds.

Manipulation is all about trying to get a certain outcome. Do you have a hard time not getting your way? This can lead a manipulative person to do whatever it takes to get what they want, even at the expense of other people. Rather than taking no for an answer, you'll maneuver the situation to go your way.

According to Barham, manipulation can arise from an inability (or at least a reluctance) to simply say what it is you're feeling or needing. For example, she says, perhaps rather than asking your friend to babysit for you, you say, "Gosh, I really wish I could go out tonight, but I have to stay home with the kids. It's so hard being a single mom."

It's not uncommon to project our own insecurities and self-loathing onto another person. According to Page, this is called projective identification, and it's almost always an unconscious form of manipulation. Say you have trust issues, so you think everyone is untrustworthy. With projective identification, those you project on may end up internalizing your assessment of them and feeling that it's true.

Very obviously, lying is manipulation in true form—and you should know when you're doing it. If you find yourself stretching, avoiding, or ignoring the truth on a regular basis, you are doing so for a reason. Hiding your truth is what manipulation is all about.

Manipulators are masters at guilt-tripping, Page says. To make someone feel guilty in an effort to either make them feel bad or do something, in particular, is a prime example of manipulation. Of course, it's OK to express hurt and disappointment, but if you're doing so to get something out of it, that's not an earnest behavior.

Yes, promises without follow-through are manipulation. Perhaps you did mean it when you said it, but now it's just not worth your time or effort. Or worse, you may have never intended to keep the promise. Either way, making promises to friends, family, or romantic partners that you don't keep is a way of manipulating them into staying in your life.

Doing nice things for other people certainly is not a bad thing. But if you're only doing them because you expect it to come back around and serve you, that's manipulation. Not only are you not being genuine with those you're supposedly doing nice things for, but you're really only doing them for you.

Maybe your punishment style is withholding affection or posting something passive-aggressive on your Instagram story. Whatever the case, if you respond really negatively to things not going your way and take it out on others in the form of punishment, that is definitely manipulation.

RELATED: 20 Signs Of Manipulation In A Relationship, From Therapists

For certain personality types—such as sociopaths and narcissists—manipulation is simply part of the package, Page adds, but generally, there is a spectrum, and in most cases, the more trauma, the more potential a person has to take a manipulative turn for the worst.

RELATED: 8 Types Of Narcissism & How To Distinguish Them

Be mindful of your interactions with people, Barham adds, and ask questions like, What is it I'm trying to achieve here? and, Am I being direct about it?

This mantra from Page says it best: "Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't say it mean."