What Does Abrosexual Mean? 9 Signs & Tips For When Your Sexuality Is Fluid

For some people, sexual desire and orientation flow differently throughout their lives and actually change over time. These people are considered to be sexually fluid, also known as abrosexual. 

That said, it's important to note that those who identify as abrosexual aren't "just confused" or struggling to make up their minds. Abrosexuality is a valid, specific orientation and should be treated as such. 

Stray Conger says in some cases, your loved ones may describe you as someone who is frequently trying to "uncover who you truly are." For example, they might think that because you were engaged in short-term, heterosexual, high-libido connections for some time and now you have a same-gender partner with whom you are more focused on romance, that you have discovered a "truer" expression of your sexuality. But that's not the way you see it: These are simply two different, equally valid expressions of your sexuality that have made sense in specific periods of your life. 

Sexologist Carol Queen, Ph.D., says you might be abrosexual if you don't feel overly attached to one sexual orientation but instead you sometimes feel more straight, other times you may feel more gay or bi, or even asexual. Your own sense of yourself might change often.

"This isn't necessarily the same thing as just not feeling like having sex at any given moment—asexuality is typically more sustained than that—but there may be some overlap with gray-A identity here," she explains. (That's shorthand for graysexual, which is on the asexuality spectrum.) 

As an abrosexual, you're typically flowing through different sexual orientations throughout your life, so it can easily feel like you're always needing to come out to the people around you when you step into a new partnership.

"For some period of time, an abrosexual may be strongly drawn to female partners and at other times male or somewhere in between. Those attractions do not necessarily occur simultaneously, as they would for a pansexual," Stray Conger adds.

However, being abrosexual doesn't mean you can't have a totally healthy and functional dating life with everyone involved feeling appreciated while having their boundaries respected. Here are a few things you'll want to focus on while dating. 

"Instead of fighting against an attribute that others may consider fickle, lean into the reality of how you experience relationships and learn about yourself in the process," she says.

We know how important communication is in any relationship, and sex and relationship coach Azaria Menezes says it's all the more important for abrosexual people. "It's important to have good communication skills and let our partners know what's coming up for us. This way, your partner can understand what's happening for you when you do experience these shifts, and they can better support and understand boundaries," she says.

"There's no rule an abrosexual can't be in a long-term relationship or be monogamous, so it's probably also useful for the person to have a sense of their relationship interests and goals," Queen says. "Of course, if an open relationship is on the table, learning the skills to ethically conduct such a relationship will be important: communication, honesty, negotiating expectations. Safer-sex skills too!"

Finally, it might be useful for abrosexuals to find a support group or a therapist who understands them and their approach to dating and relationships. In fact, any person who doesn't follow a normative path might find this useful, Queen says.

Another great way to approach things is to focus on being in the moment, Queen says. "Build as healthy a relationship with the person as possible so that you can be in the moment with them, not constantly looking ahead for signs of fluctuation in their feelings for you. Fluctuations might happen, for many reasons, in any relationship, and being too on the alert for them can be counterproductive."

"Sexually fluid or multi-sexual people now have more language to specify how their attractions and orientation show up in their lives, and abrosexuality is a way to distinguish attractions that change and shift versus ones that are stable but still multiple, like a pansexual person might experience them," Queen says. "The language is there to help you feel more connected to yourself and community—not as a rule you have to follow."