9 Relationship Labels Worth Considering (Even If You're Not Into Labels)

Labels are all about being clear and honest with each other about how you're viewing the relationship, according to relationship therapist Shena Tubbs, MMFT, LPC, CSAT-C. And to that end, even the most casual, uncommitted, purely sexual relationships need labels so that all those terms are clearly spelled out. 

"What people mean by 'labeling' a relationship is defining where each person is in the relationship, their expectations, and desires. This can be as simple as discussing whether or not you are just friends, friends with romantic intentions to move forward, or in a committed dating relationship," Tubbs tells mbg. "It is so important to be clear from the beginning to avoid any heartbreak, feelings of being used or misled, and to protect the nature of the relationship as you both probably came together because you really liked each other."

It's about being kind to each other and about protecting the feelings of both of you. Misunderstandings hurt, and communication is really the only way to avoid them.

"Language matters," adds sex and relationship therapist Shadeen Francis, LMFT. "Our experience changes based on the words we use."

It doesn't feel good to be in a nerve-wracking fog of assumptions and hopes, nor does it feel good to feel like you need to withhold affection or dodge certain types of activities as a means of passively asserting your detachment. When you've agreed on what you're doing with each other, you can both stop having to dance around the unspoken truth and simply enjoy the relationship for whatever it is.

There are situations when a relationship without labels might make sense, Francis says. Oftentimes, a person who says they "don't do labels" is using that as a way to say they don't want to be tied to certain relationship expectations or commitments that don't currently appeal to them. But what's important to understand about relationship labels is that they're not necessarily about making a relationship more committed, more serious, or exclusive.

Important note: Even if you both agree on a label you both want to use, you should always have a conversation to make sure you're both in agreement about what that label means.

"There is rarely universal meaning for the words we use," Francis warns. "While labels are a helpful shorthand, they do not mean the same thing to each person. Agreeing on a word isn't a shortcut to having a real conversation about your relationship. Ensuring you're on the same page about the expectations, boundaries, and roles helps your label represent the relationship you're trying to have."

These types of terms often refer to a new spark: Someone you recently connected with on a dating app or exchanged numbers with at an event, for example, and now you're getting butterflies sending each other texts. It's often been clearly stated that there's mutual interest in each other, though there's usually no assumed accountability or exclusivity just yet unless both people state otherwise. Tubbs describes it like this: "We are communicating anywhere between sparsely or regularly as we mutually are getting to know each other. We know that we are romantically interested, but we're still trying to figure out if we want to move forward to commit to dating regularly and spending time together."

In simplest terms, people who are dating are literally just two people who are going on dates together. "Dating" someone can be synonymous with "seeing someone," though the latter may imply a bit less permanence and a bit more of an evaluation phase. "Dating may or may not be casual and is not necessarily short term. People can choose to date one another consistently and exclusively, without having explicitly formalized a long-term commitment," Francis says.

When people say they're "in a relationship," they're usually referring to an "official" and "serious" committed relationship. (Think that term "Facebook official," as in a relationship that one is comfortable posting about on social media for all to see.)

Usually this label assumes monogamy unless nonmonogamy is mutually agreed upon (see below). Tubbs describes being in a relationship as a "committed partnership between the two of us, which means I am invested in healthy interdependence where I care for you emotionally, mentally, and romantically."

This term implies the two people involved are having sex but aren't romantically involved. There are a lot of assumptions about friends with benefits, including that they're inherently shallow or unemotional. "In fact, most FWB relationships have a pretty high level of care, connection, and commitment," sex researcher Zhana Vrangalova, Ph.D., recently told mbg. "People start FWB relationships because they are not ready to commit to something more serious in that moment, or they don't think this particular person would make a good long-term partner for them."

"The term partner has historically been used by primarily non-heterosexual couples to refer to their other half," psychologist and relationship coach Shula Melamed, M.A., MPH, recently told mbg. "Recently it has become more popular with married or unmarried couples of all gender combinations for a variety of reasons."

An open relationship is one form of consensual nonmonogamy. Consensual nonmonogamy refers to any relationship arrangement that doesn't involve limiting the partners from having sexual, emotional, or romantic relationships with others. Some consensually nonmonogamous couples might agree that it's OK to sleep with other people but not date other people, some couples might agree to only sleep with other people when they're together (through swinging or sex parties), and some couples might say anything goes.

In a polyamorous relationship, partners are specifically open to dating other people and being in love with more than one person. Your girlfriend could get another girlfriend of her own and be dating both of you, for example. 

Maybe none of the above labels feel right to you. Maybe several of them do. Maybe you resonate with one of them, but you're not sure how your partner sees things.

When in doubt, talk it out. Sit down and have that define-the-relationship conversation with your partner to see where you both stand. As far as how to frame that conversation, Francis recommends actively stating how you're feeling and what you're wanting: "Instead of asking, 'What are we?' which tends to be a passive question that puts the power and responsibility on the other person to name the relationship, share what you think and want for the relationship, and invite them to do the same in an open, low-pressure conversation."