How We Listen Matters—Here Are 7 Tips To Help Get Better At It

We're talking to each other more than ever before, immersed in near-constant communication between texts, Zoom meetings, emails, comments sections, and DMs—but that doesn’t mean we’re listening. In fact, studies show U.S. adults take in and comprehend less than 25% of what they hear in an average conversation.  

And there are very real consequences; When we don’t listen to each other, we find ourselves engaged in unnecessary conflict, including toxic conversations, fights, and major misunderstandings. We also lose connection to our own voices, and the stories we’re meant to tell. 

Listening is a natural instinct, just like eating, breathing, or sleeping. We’re born good listeners, but somewhere along the way most of us forget how to listen. Sometimes it’s safer for us, emotionally, to block out the things around us and close ourselves off. 

But when done thoughtfully in safe conditions, listening can be a form of care. It’s a way to make space for people and uplift their voices. Listening helps us become better partners, better coworkers1, better friends—and it even has health benefits. Listening lowers cortisol levels, which helps us to relax, and in turn helps us open up to the listening process.  

But there is a reason we don’t listen more: most of us are caught up in various stress responses due to daily pressures in our lives. Individual and collective trauma, illness, corporate burnout, compassion fatigue, and many more obstacles face us each day. Our bodies need to be relaxed in order for us to truly listen—but if we can’t relax, how can we listen? 

When you listen to all the parts of yourself, you offer healing and attention to areas that have been ignored. And as you do this for yourself, you practice doing it for others.

This kind of listening has very little to do with sound coming in through the ears. It’s about offering your full presence and attention to the world around you. Begin by offering yourself your full attention.  

The best, most time-honored way to deepen your listening is through stillness and relaxation practices. They strengthen an overall orientation toward stillness. Some may work better for you than others.  

The best place to start listening is with yourself. Listen to the stories your body is holding—the stories your body is cooing, singing, or screaming, and the stories your body is whispering or keeping to itself.

Stories need digesting, just like food. Take time to rest and listen attentively to the stories you’re carrying. This might take the form of a nap, a yoga class, or a run. Whatever you do to find relaxation and release will work.

Meditation is a form of listening. Try seeking out moments of silence throughout the day and embracing them. Begin with one minute, then three minutes, and move up from there.

Old stories impact your creative life. They can carry inspiration and guidance. Sometimes their voices encourage and sometimes they hinder.

Every emotion has a natural wavelength—a beginning, middle, and end. And every emotion has an inherent wisdom and message. Emotions exist to direct our actions.