3 Reasons You Feel Sad After Sex & What To Do About It

But sometimes, a person may instead feel the opposite. Immediately following sex, they're hit with a wave of negative emotions: They feel suddenly sad, irritable, or isolated, and they may even start inexplicably crying. The phenomenon is known as postcoital dysphoria, and it's actually way more common than you'd think.  

The few studies that have been done show that PCD is a fairly common experience: A 2015 study found 46 percent of straight women had experienced it at least once in their life, and 5 percent had experienced it a few times in the last four weeks. Another study released last month found 41 percent of men (most of whom were straight) experienced PCD at least once, and 20 percent had experienced it in the last four weeks. (Side by side, these two studies suggests PCD happens at fairly similar rates between men and women, but the latter study actually found women were about twice as likely to have experienced PCD in the last four weeks compared to men and nearly three times as likely to have experienced PCD in their lifetime.)

A lot more research is needed to fully understand what causes postcoital dysphoria, but scientists have posited three main theories for what could be behind the otherwise inexplicable emotional response:

According to the International Society for Sexual Medicine, it's possible that "bonding with a partner during sex is so intense that breaking the bond triggers sadness." Sex therapist Ian Kerner tells Health that having sex can trigger the release of oxytocin, the so-called love hormone that makes people feel attached and connected to another person. But after the sex is over, the sudden recognition that you're not actually as connected as the hormones made you feel (either because it's a casual sexual encounter or because there may be underlying issues in your relationship) can make you feel sad or frustrated. You go from feeling incredibly close, both emotionally and physically, to feeling alone, rejected, or yearning for what's not really there.

The few studies that've been conducted around PCD have found a history of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse is correlated with a higher incidence of PCD, both among men and women. Essentially, it's possible that having sex—even terrific, pleasurable, consensual sex—is simply a triggering experience for you because of your past traumas. It's well-known that having experienced sexual assault and/or abuse, especially as a child, can have lasting psychological consequences as a person grows older and tries to engage in a normal sex life.

"A vulnerability hangover is most often triggered by going too fast or doing too much for what the psyche or body can handle," sex coach Irene Fehr tells Bustle. "It is often exacerbated by a cocktail of consciousness-altering substances such as alcohol or drugs that relax and allow the drop of inhibitions, enable going faster than might be comfortable, and make crossing boundaries that would otherwise hold in a conscious state possible."

"Participate in some type of self-care ritual," she suggests. "Whether it's a bath, reading a book, taking a nap, or meeting your friends, do something to nurture yourself."

"You can always try tracking your own experience and see if you notice any patterns," Marin suggests. "It may be that you tend to feel PCD in certain types of avoidable situations. Or you may be able to find patterns in what helps you move past your reactions faster. For example, maybe taking a shower afterward or snuggling with your partner makes you feel better."

"If you're with a partner and feeling embarrassed, you can simply say something like, 'This is something that happens to me after I have sex. It's not tied to the sex that I've just had. It's just a thing that happens. I'll be over it soon,'" Marin says.

If you can't talk to your partner about what's going on for whatever reason, make sure you're talking to someone, whether a trusted friend or a therapist. Dr. Overstreet says it's important to make sure there's not another underlying issue (such as trauma, sexual dysfunction, or something else) that might be causing your emotional response, which a therapist or health professional might be able to help you treat.

Whatever you do, just know that you're not alone in your feelings, and you're not abnormal for having them. Many people struggle with postcoital dysphoria from time to time; what's important is developing an appropriate and healthy way to respond to your emotions and take care of yourself (and your partner) as you go through it.