A Guide To Cuckolding, The Incredibly Common Male Fetish No One Talks About

Cuckolding is one of those things that, for many of us, may only seem to exist in porn. But while some people might wonder why on earth our buddy would be into his girlfriend picking up a buff dude from the bar down the street for some Friday night fun, there's plenty of people who desperately wish their partner was down for a little cuck-play. This erotic scenario doesn't need to remain a fantasy. If you're curious, here's everything you need to know about cuckolding and how to try it with your partner.

In many cuckolding cases, the cuck desires to actually watch the sex take place between their partner and the outsider (often referred to as the "bull"), but sometimes the cuck may just want to hear the details afterward—or even help their partner pick out their outfit beforehand.

The word cuckold rose in medieval times to describe men with unfaithful wives, specifically in reference to men raising kids that were clearly not biologically his own. Today, in some forms of cuckold fantasy, some men will even fantasize about his partner being impregnated by one of her lovers.

Like many kinks and fetishes, often people find it bizarre that someone can be turned on by their partner sleeping with someone else, especially because we live in a mostly monogamous society. But there are tons of reasons people (generally men) are into cuckolding:

Compersion is a word that means "to take joy from another person's joy." It's often used among consensually non-monogamous people as a reason some folks enjoy "sharing" their partner, or something they learn to appreciate along the way to help them battle potential jealousy. To put it simply, some people enjoy cuckolding because they take pleasure in their partner being pleasured. 

One reason people are confused by this fetish is the same reason people are into it (and this goes for many fetishes and kinks). In our culture, you aren't "supposed to" want your partner sleeping with someone else and certainly not under your own roof or in front of your own eyes—which is what can make cuckolding even more arousing to some. 

In some cases, cuckolding may be a safe space for a man to explore his potential interest in other men, Ley says. The man can "essentially use their wife as a 'proxy' for him having sex with the [other] man," he explains. 

In some extreme BDSM cuckolding porn, you can see the cuckold locked in a box while a woman and the bull engage in intercourse on top of the box. You can also find videos of the cuck cleaning up after the sexual acts or other degrading acts involved in helping the bull and the female partner enjoy themselves.

"The Candaulism fetish is involved in many [cuckolding] cases, where the husband gets a thrill and pride from having a wife that other men want and from showing her off/sharing her [with] those men," explains David Ley. If a man enjoys cuckolding for this reason primarily, there's a good chance he's more into hotwifing than cuckolding (more on this below). 

Many of us enjoy watching people have sex in the form of pornography, right? Some men feel that, through cuckolding, they're able to have their own private porn star performing for them at home. 

"Some research suggests that there are men who turn the charge of sexual jealousy over being cuckolded into a turbocharge of erotic excitement, as they 'reclaim' their wife," Ley explains. This biological urge is sometimes referred to as "sperm competition theory" and proposes that watching your partner with another man can lead to the cuck having a more intense orgasm, more sperm in their ejaculate, and physically being able to have sex sooner after having an orgasm (otherwise known as a shorter refractory period). 

Data from porn sites also show cuckolding as a popular fantasy. Research conducted by neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam in 2011 found that "cuckold" is the second most searched heterosexual porn category on the internet. A 2016 report from Pornhub found 1.75 million people searched for some variation of "cuckold" every month; it's one of the site's top 100 search terms.

While cuckolding and hotwifing are often used interchangeably, they're not exactly the same. Hotwifing refers to someone who wants to show off their hot partner to other people. Called a "stag" instead of a "cuck," the person usually helps choose who their partner will have sex with and is much more in control of the situation. Cuckolding, on the other hand, is more about being "cheated on" and traditionally involves more submission and even humiliation for the person whose partner is having sex with other people. For example, some male cucks derive pleasure from their partner gloating to them about how their "bull" could please them in ways that he could not—specifically due to their size. 

Like all sexual fantasies, cuckolding is easier said than done—especially because you have to find a willing third party that both you and your partner are comfortable with. Another thing about sexual fantasies that you always want to consider is if cuckolding is something that you will both enjoy in real life. Or is it hotter when you simply talk about it in bed, watch it in porn, etc.? Of course, you never know until you try—but bringing in a third partner can definitely bring in drama, so you want to make sure you know what you're getting yourselves into. 

(Here's our full guide to bringing up open relationships to your partner.)

If you prefer to meet people in real life first, I recommend checking out the local kink scene in your area and attending some workshops, events, or even play parties or sex parties to see if there is anyone that strikes you and your partner's fancy. 

Some ways to try dipping your toes into the water could be watching your partner flirt with a stranger at a bar, watching porn together, having your partner webcam or have FaceTime sex with someone else while you watch, or even something as simple as talking to your partner about who they find attractive. Another simple gateway to non-monogamy is a threesome—however, this is also a big step that you'll want to adequately prepare for.

You'll find self-proclaimed "experts" on the internet trying to teach you how to "trick" your wife into cuckolding you. Please, don't do this. Consent is important in all sexual acts, no matter how kinky. If they're not into your sexual fantasy, it's important to respect that.

"The bottom line is always communication—with all parties involved—to make sure everyone is fully aware of needs and boundaries," Harris says. "And it's always OK to take a break or change your mind at any time." 

With certain kinky exceptions, most humans would like to be treated as humans—not like an accessory to your and your partner's sex lives. Make sure to extend the same communication and respect to your new third partner that you do to your primary partner. 

As always, make sure you both get tested and use protection before partaking in any sex with a new partner—even if you've both been monogamous for a significant amount of time. And of course, ensure that your new partner gets tested beforehand as well. 

At the end of the day, it's awesome if cuckolding is something you want to explore with your partner, and it can absolutely be a fun way to spice up your sex life or experiment with nonmonogamy. However, if you and your partner decide that cuckolding is something that's too intense for a real-life scenario but totally fun as a fantasy only, that's totally cool too.