The 7 Essential Stages Of Spiritual Growth (And How To Know Where You're On The Path)

We hear so much about finding our "whole selves” and “coming from authenticity,” but so many of us don’t understand how we actually reach that point. We don’t suddenly become that new, better version of ourselves because we read the right book or heard the right speech.

Becoming whole is a lifelong process. It is finding and embracing the new self and forgetting what you learned to be. In my book, Remember Who You Are, I describe the seven stages of seeking and claiming your Spirit Self.

Since one of my favorite personal growth tools is the map (in my counseling/life and love coaching practice, I’ve discovered that the structure or model of a map helps many people describe their feelings), I want to help you build one.

This happens when we enter the physical world at birth. We develop a personality that allows us to adapt to our circumstances — familial and cultural. This original self is rarely remembered, although at times we catch glimpses of it.

Some traditions use ceremonies, liturgies, prayers, or meditation at a specific time and place; some embrace a lifestyle that is its own kind of practice.

At this point, we take hold of the direction of our lives, both inside and out. We work harder to be honest with others and ourselves. We are more accountable for our actions. Sometimes we are even able to challenge others and ourselves with more ease and less judgment, feeling greater compassion for our common human condition.

It is the knowledge that we never completely “arrive.” We are always on the path. We are always forgetting, remembering, exploring, practicing, integrating, and then forgetting again.

1. Ask yourself if “soul” is different than “spirit.” It is important that you have your own unique definition for these essential words.

2. Create your own definition of spirit. Pay attention to what makes sense to you.

3. Ask yourself what it means to you to remember who you are. What qualities do you consider to be a part of your soul self?

4. Look at pictures of yourself as a child that reflect what you interpret to be your essential qualities. Describe what you see in your activities, body, or eyes that recalls these fundamental spirit qualities.

5. Familiar childhood stories teach that we must leave home to find home; the happy ending requires us to heal ourselves and find our own internal truth. Sleeping Beauty wakes up, Pinocchio becomes a real boy, and Dorothy returns to Kansas, discovering that what she sought was in the place she left.

Remember a journey you took in which you had to leave your outer life to discover a part of your inner self. Meditate on that journey.

The late Angeles Arrien once told me about a Native American folk tale that claims each person is born into this world with a special song that is his or hers alone. My hope is that articles and books such as this; publications like mbg; and practices including yoga, meditation, and attempting to live and love in a complete, authentic way will guide us each to our unique song and will inspire us to bring its music into this world.