11 Dating Lessons I Wish I'd Learned In My Twenties

You know that girl who has a timeline for when she'll get married, knows how many kids she's going to have, and even has their names picked out? Well, that was me. And everything was going according to plan—until I got dumped.

That heartbreak cut raw and deep. But ultimately, it allowed me to find strength, happiness, and peace that only I could give myself. It also put me back in the dating arena. But this time, thanks to a hefty load of personal work, it was different. My last relationship (once I moved past the pain) was full of beautiful learning opportunities.

Dating is supposed to be fun! You're meeting new people, having new experiences, doing new things. If you go into a date with that expectation, your outcome will dramatically change. Create fun experiences—go hiking, play miniature golf, hit up a theme park, try bowling, head to the zoo, sign up for a cooking class, etc.

When we have expectations, we're not living in the moment. And when we're not living in the moment, it's hard to really enjoy another's company. For example, if you're on Date 8, and you're wondering about when/if you're going to become exclusive, then it's pretty hard to actually enjoy your experiences together, which is necessary if you ever want to get to that exclusive space (if it's meant to be).

Have a question? Feel like something is off? Are you ready to take it to the next level and see if your date is too? Speak your truth. You literally have nothing to lose—except being with someone who isn't on the same page or jeopardizing your own feelings, which always (eventually) turns out badly.

It can be too easy to lose yourself in the beginning dating phases and let, "Do they like me?!" become the dominant thought, especially when you really like the other person.

Are you not okay with less than 24 hours' notice to go on a date? Is sex before exclusive commitment a big no for you? Is friend and/or solo time (removed from your partner) key for your personal growth?

What are your boundaries? Think about it and stick to them (sometimes they get foggy when your vision is blurred by new love). And remember, you're still just getting to know the other person.

Finding "your person" can take some time—and a good number of dates. Know that there's nothing wrong with you. It's a process. Have fun. Get to know someone new, and their story.

Whether they didn't ask you out again, didn't text back, or seemingly dropped off the face of the Earth, no big deal. Move on to the next. That person has officially done the work for you and weeded themselves out of your dating world. Send them love and compassion, thank them for the dating experience, and move on.

Sex opens a whole new can of worms. And if you're already feeling weird about a dating situation, most likely, it won't be the answer to your problems. Not to mention, once you start sleeping with someone you're not exclusive with, it makes dating others so much more confusing.

Get out there and join dating sites, ask your friends and/or close colleagues to set you up, smile at people in grocery stores, go to functions you're invited to. And most importantly, invest time in your passion. Love hiking? Join a hiking club. Are you a yoga fiend? Ask your yogi friends if they have friends, go on a retreat, take a training. Adore dancing? Sign up for a dancing class.