5 Ways To Strengthen Your Sexual Connection With Your Partner

Many people who want to feel deeply connected during sex tend to focus too much on technique—the details of sex itself. In reality, however, the quality of your relationship with your partner is far more important for feeling intense intimacy in the bedroom.

For some people, emotional connection, mutual trust, and a sense of safety within the relationship can basically be thought of as a prerequisite to the fulfillment of your sexual desires. Intimacy also requires acceptance, understanding, and, of course, physical attraction. Ultimately, it's that feeling of being at home with someone that we crave so much, and that makes the actual act of sex so pleasurable.

The everyday stressors of life—from work to cleaning our houses to making dinner to paying bills—keep most of us from maintaining consistent and thorough self-care routines. A result of this is that most of us devote a minimal amount of time to exploring, embracing, and enjoying our own bodies. Unfortunately, these effects of stress trickle down into our sex lives. When we haven't developed a comfortable and intimate relationship with ourselves, it's nearly impossible to cultivate a comfortable and intimate sexual relationship with someone else.

One of the most common reasons that sex starts to feel routine and far less passionate is the lack of communication. This is essential to keep in mind for intimacy in the bedroom but also outside of the bedroom. Ask yourself, Am I expressing my authentic truth in my relationship? Or are you hiding from yourself, and your partner, in order to keep the peace?

It might seem like overreacting if you want to voice how pissed you felt when your partner looked at your friend with flirty eyes. It may seem unnecessary to express how disappointed you were when your partner didn't really acknowledge your effort in planning the perfect date. But think about it this way: When you suppress your pain in one moment, it doesn't go away; it will simply come up again, in another form.

Many couples fall into the trap of monotonous sex in long-term relationships. Unsurprisingly, this monotony often coexists with a sense of safety—and feeling safe with your partner is a good thing. Yet widening the range of expressiveness can be a doorway to the deepest spiritual connection between two humans, and that often involves stepping a bit outside the safety zone (in a variety of ways).

Maybe expressing your fears about something in your relationship strikes you as "bad," something to avoid. Well, stepping outside the safety zone and embracing your "dark" parts may be exactly what you and the relationship need in order to feel greater intimacy. In the bedroom this might take the form of trying a different technique, approach, or activity or simply expressing a deeper degree of hunger, sensuality, vulnerability, and openness in your desires.

So much of the disconnection that arises during intimacy can be traced to a pressure to perform or achieve something. Whether that is having an orgasm, trying to look a certain way, or being perceived as a gifted lover, it distracts from the sacredness and beauty of the present moment.

What if the entire outcome was to experience your partner—in the moment—and offer something deeply yours to them? If you didn't feel pressured to reach a milestone during intimacy, how much deeper could you let go, enjoy, and surrender to your partner?

When we can use sex as an expression of love, service, and presence, we open the doorway to experiencing sex as a spiritual experience too.