Is It Love Or Emotional Dependency? How To Tell

"Love" that comes from fear isn't love—it's neediness. Emotional dependency comes from the inner emptiness that is created when you abandon yourself—and you then expect your partner to fill your emptiness and make you feel loved and safe. Once you make your partner responsible for your happiness, safety, and worth, then you need to try to have control over getting him or her to love you the way you want to be loved.

Love is about giving and sharing—not about getting. Love is not needy. There is nothing controlling about real love. Love is that which supports your own and your partner's highest good, which means that you would never try to control or possess the other person. When you love someone, you deeply value their essential qualities—the qualities that don't go away with time.

If you do not love yourself—your own beautiful, wonderful essence—then you cannot see or love the essence of another. When you don't see and value yourself, you become emotionally dependent in your desire to get love.

When you love yourself, you will be far less vulnerable to becoming emotionally dependent on a partner because you won't have a desperate need for attention and approval. When you give yourself the attention and approval you need, you'll be able to have healthy relationships with others without depending on them for your sense of well-being.