What My Morning Meditation Practice Taught Me About Power & Compassion

I love meditation. I find the simplicity of the act beautiful. I love that there's no right way to do it, and I also love that it's transportable. I can meditate anywhere: on the subway, an airplane, my living room, even in the bathroom during a loud family function if I need to (and sometimes, I really, really need to!)

But, as is the case with many things that are good for me, I tend to avoid meditation until I really feel the need. And the fact of the matter is, I am a person who "needs" to meditate on a regular basis. My natural state is one of constant on-the-go-ness, and my mind likes to follow suit—bouncing from one idea or activity to the next, ad nauseam, until it's time for bed and I'm utterly exhausted.

I've always meant to get around to making meditation a part of my daily routine, but until this past week, this goal fell repeatedly by the wayside in lieu of other "easier" routine tasks, such as sleeping, eating, working, feeding the cat, and cleaning the bathroom (just to name a few). In short, there was something holding me back from including this incredibly important activity in my day-to-day life. What was it that kept me from engaging in this (as I've stated) simple, feel-good activity?

If I dig deep, I think the answer is plain and simple: Fear. Fear kept my meditation practice on hold. Fear of what, you ask? I think that answer is discomfort. Here's the thing: The first few minutes of meditation tends to bring up a lot of anxiety for me. I am most comfortable while doing something. I never want to waste a moment of time.

I am, overall, a pretty happy person. I love my life, and I have tremendous gratitude for what I have. When the alarm clock goes off in the morning, I do not feel terror or dread like I used to when I was an active alcoholic. Instead, I feel very excited when I wake up. But this excitement can be overwhelming and needs grounding.

For my weeklong challenge, I alternated between two guided meditation apps—Headspace and Inscape. I've used Headspace a lot in the past, but I wanted to try out Inscape for variation. All of the Inscape meditations I did culminate in a minute of "connecting your inner and outer worlds," and they gently remind you that whenever the day gets hectic, you can return to your calm, meditative state, simply by checking in with yourself.

I have always known this, but because my meditation practice had been sporadic prior to this week, I didn't realize how important it is for me to keep this connection going, and to watch it grow. Toward the end of the week, my anxiety during the first few minutes lessened and I was more easily able to slip into the simple state of being and breathing. Through this simple task, I become more deeply aware of just how intertwined we all are, and tapping into this connection brings a feeling of unity, both within and outside of, myself.

Taking on this meditation challenge showed me a lot of things about myself and how much my mindset is influenced by outside factors. It's important for me to stay connected and open from within, and meditating daily helps keep the channel of connection between these two worlds open.