Why Self-Care Is The Least Selfish Thing You Can Do

When I was young and I went outside to play with my friends instead of hanging around the house to listen to another screaming match between my parents, they called me "selfish." Now, as an adult, when I go upstairs for much-needed alone time, my kids think I'm self-centered because I don't want to chitchat in the living room. I have been accused, in slightly resentful tones, of having "great boundaries" and knowing what I want.

Over 30 years as a healer, I've learned that self-care is not optional for those in the helping professions. It is a necessity.

When I was first practicing as a psychotherapist and psychological astrologer, I would overextend myself. Buoyed by my belief that I was needed and that I was helping, it was hard to know when to back off and take rest. I would often end up sick or collapsed out of fatigue and would be super grumpy and impatient with those closest to me. I had nothing left to give. Basically, I was a savior by day and a martyr by night. I found out the hard way that regulating my mind, spirit, and body was not a whim or a luxury but a disciplined and dedicated practice necessary to doing my work well.

If we are not in great shape mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically, the help we dispense comes from a place of lack—our unconscious need to be needed—instead of from a place of fullness. Healing is not a doing profession; it is a being profession.

At a certain point in my own burned-out past, I had to realize that everything I ate and drank affected my clarity and energy. It took me a few years to work out a way of eating that I could maintain for the rest of my life without feeling deprived or overly strict.

You have done nothing without the help of many known friends and the kindness of strangers. It's easy to start and end each day with a wish for happiness and peace for every person you can think of. "May _________be happy and peaceful." This naturally puts you in a grateful mindset. It is a practice that helps us review the kindnesses and contributions of others and lifts us out of our tendencies to think too much about ourselves. It is great to end each gratitude session with "May I be happy and peaceful and spread that joy to others." Refine and repeat this cycle daily.