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Don't Get Married Until You Can Answer These 40 Questions

Author:

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

January 11, 2016

Co-Founder of Inner Bonding

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Co-Founder of Inner Bonding

Margaret Paul, Ph.D., is a best-selling author, relationship expert, and Inner Bonding® facilitator.

Photo by Stocksy

January 11, 2016

If you’re single and you want a partner, you’ve probably spent a lot of time thinking about what you want — mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Are they different? Getting clear on what you want is vital in manifesting your beloved.

Since we attract people who have equal levels of self-abandonment or self-love to our own, it's essential that we embody the qualities we want in a partner. These seven areas are crucial to consider when it comes to identifying the best partner for you — and making sure you have them, too.

Character

Do you want a partner who is open to learning about themselves and about you as well as open to learning in conflict and when their fears are triggered? I have found this to be an absolutely essential ingredient in creating a loving relationship.
Do you want a partner who is interested in personal and spiritual growth, who shares his or her feelings and is available to receiving help with relationship problems? All relationships experience some problems, and being open to receiving help can often make the difference between staying together or ending the relationship.
Do you want a partner who is kind, caring, compassionate, capable of empathy, honest, reliable, and trustworthy, and who has integrity?
Do you want a partner who is basically happy with his or her life?
Do you want a partner with a good sense of humor, who laughs easily and is fun to be with?
Do you want a partner who is close to family members and who has close friends?
Do you want a partner who is motivated, self-disciplined, competent, and a hard worker?
Do you want to be with someone who has a passion for life?

Physical Appearance

While looks don't form the basis of a loving relationship, we need to basically enjoy the way the person looks.

9. Do you care how tall the person is?

10. What’s important to you in terms of weight and/or fitness level?

11. Do you prefer someone well-groomed or a more rugged look?

Education and Intellect

We each have the right to decide what we want, so it's important to get clear on it and pursue it with confidence.

12. Is connecting at a common level of intelligence and academic learning important to you?

13. Is it okay for someone to be a high school graduate, a graduate of a tech school, or be self-educated?

14. Is it essential to you that your partner have a college or graduate degree?

Lifestyle

15. Do you want a partner who wants kids?

16. Do you want to live in a spacious house or a compact apartment or condo?

17. Would you prefer to live in a rural area or a highly populated city?

18. Can you live with someone messy? How about someone neat? I can't tell you how many couples I've worked with find this a huge problem.

19. Do you want to be with someone who can (and likes to) cook?

20. Is it important that your partner have mechanical know-how and the ability to fix things?

21. Do you need a partner who can take care of a home and all that that might entail — like shopping for food and clothing?

22. Is it important that your partner be health-oriented?

23. What about eating organically, being a vegetarian, vegan, following a raw diet, or Paleo?

24. Do you want a partner who works out or who is athletic and enjoys outdoor sports?

25. Do you want your partner to earn as much as you do or more or less than you do? Is financial success important to you?

26. Do you want a partner who is passionate about their work?

27. Is it important that you see value in your partner’s work?

Values

28. Are you pro-choice or pro-life? Is a disagreement on that a deal breaker? What about birth control, guns, and hunting?

29. Are politics important to you? Does your partner need to identify as liberal, conservative, independent, or apolitical?

30. Do you want to be in a traditional, monogamous relationship, an ethically nonmonogamous relationship, or an open relationship?

31. Does your partner need to share your religion? If so, do you also need to share the same level of devotion?

32. If not religious, does your partner need to be spiritual? If so, what kind of spirituality? Is it okay if they are agnostic or atheist?

33. Do they need to love animals? Do they need to be a dog person, a cat person and/or a horse person?

34. Is it important to you that they care about the environment?

35. Do you want a partner who donates to charities? Do you prefer to save or spend?

36. Do you want a partner who is a professional, a businessperson, or someone in a creative field? Would you prefer a partner who made a living doing manual labor? Would you consider living on a farm or ranch?

Substance Use

We each have the right to decide what is okay or not okay for us.

37. Is it okay or not okay with you for someone to smoke?

38. Is it okay to drink moderately or heavily, or it is important to you that your partner not drink at all?

39. Is marijuana use acceptable or not?

40. What about the use of recreational drugs or prescription drugs?

This is certainly not a conclusive list, and, since we all have some baggage, you won't necessarily find everything you want in one person. It's important, however, to explore your feelings, desires, and priorities. I suggest you make your own lists of what you want and don't want in a relationship. Clarity is essential for manifestation!