How To Find Yourself After A Breakup & Raise Your Self-Esteem

When the person with whom you were most vulnerable breaks your heart, it's easy to feel inadequate and worthless, even if you have a laundry list of reasons you should feel good about other areas of your life. When it comes to love, our rational mind isn't running the show. Instead, breakups often make us think the worst things about ourselves: The person who knew me best and loved me the most now thinks I'm a piece of garbage, so it must be true.

Likewise, sometimes the painful things that weren't explicitly said hurt just as much as those that were spoken. In any case, the first step is to be able to see yourself as distinct, whole, and separate from the painful energy of what the relationship was.

Once you acknowledge that your self-image likely stems from your ex's perception of you, you are ready to handle your negative thoughts about yourself differently. Instead of allowing the harsh parting words to crush your self-esteem, treat the memories and verbal daggers with compassion. This doesn't mean to push those negative thoughts away or think they are problematic. Just let them be, and do so with care and love.

You screwed up. They screwed up.

You regret what you did to them. They likely regret what they did to you.

Your relationship may feel like a colossal failure because of everything that went wrong. There is always plenty of blame and regret to go around for everyone in the relationship. There is plenty of pain and heartache that each of you caused.

But the only way to keep this from weighing on your self-worth for the rest of your life is to let go of this heavy burden. You must find it within yourself to forgive your ex and let go of the past. Do it because it's the right thing to do and because you're a kind, compassionate person. If not that, do it for yourself so that you can let go of the burning coals of resentment. You may not be able to move on until you forgive your ex.

Much of your relationship may have been about being the "right" person for your ex. If you've forgotten who you are, remember that the authentic you is still there.

So to return to your truth, you have to dig deep and start living in tune with your intuition. Start listening to those strong feelings guiding you. Stop listening to the chatter of your ex and everyone else around you. Practice being present with yourself, by yourself, and working on your self-esteem.

Try visualizing yourself as a confident person. Use affirmations like these on a daily basis: "I am confident, and I trust myself," "I am a loving person, and I am worthy of love," and "I believe in myself and my abilities."

All of the previous tips will help you cultivate more love and compassion for yourself. But one way to continually cultivate and expand the love within is to think about serving others.

Service can be a great self-esteem booster. When you give of yourself without any expectation of return, you begin to feel lifted up. Think about ways to connect with others and direct your positive energy outward. Doing this will put you in a more compassionate and kind space, both of which help boost your self-worth.