6 Signs You're In Love With Someone, Based On Psychology

How do you know when you love someone? You've probably heard that "love works in mysterious ways"—so, uh, how exactly are you supposed to wade through all that mystery and know if it's real or not?

Social media, movies, and pop culture will have you believe that love is meant to feel like fireworks and butterflies. You're supposed to hear music and "see the light." But the truth is, falling in love isn't always dramatic like that.

You've probably heard stories of mothers who instantaneously gain incredible strength to save their children from impending danger. It turns out there's science behind the connection between being in love and feeling no pain.

One study1 analyzing early relationships (within the first nine months) showed that simply viewing a photograph of your romantic partner could provide immediate relief from lab-generated pain.

Have you ever had a friend who finds a new partner and seems to become an entirely new person? Research studies2 have shown falling in love is associated with self-expansion, meaning you tend to grow as a person, willing to get out of your comfort zone and try new things.

If you find yourself willing to go for a run or travel to a foreign country for the first time in years with your new beau, it could mean you're falling in love. And it's even better if your partner is also stepping out of their comfort zone for you.

Compassion plays an important role in healthy love. As with most relationships, you should always want what's best for the other person. After all, how can you expect them to contribute to your happiness if they're not happy themselves?

"Compassionate love3" is a telltale sign of true love, according to a large body of scientific literature. It means your behaviors and feelings are typically focused on supporting, helping, and understanding the needs of another person, especially when that person seems to be suffering.

"Love at first sight" might just sound too good to be true, but research4 has shown that prolonged eye contact actually can lead to an attraction. Gazing into your partner's eyes sounds like something straight out of a rom-com, but wanting to do it can be a sign that you're fixated on them and that you love the person.

This one may seem like a no-brainer, but it's worth noting because there's actual science to back it up. If you find the words "I love you" on the tip of your tongue, it probably means that those words and feelings are true.

And while heteronormative culture will have you believe that women are more likely to say "I love you" first, research shows that men often beat them to the punch.5

It's not uncommon to think about past relationships and lovers. In most cases, people view this as a sign that you're not over that important person you left behind. Though it sounds backward, being reminded of your previous relationships (good or bad) can boost emotional and social health and even contribute to greater satisfaction in your current relationship.

So, if your ex occasionally pops up in your brain, or even if you find yourself comparing your ex to your new love interest, don't take this as a sign that you're with the wrong person. It could mean just the opposite.

Just remember, falling in love feels different from being in love. "We don't stay in that high place [of falling in love] all the time," Linda Carroll, M.S., a licensed marriage and family therapist and life coach, tells mbg. "Some days are cloudy, some are stormy, some are gray, and sometimes the sun shines. Relationships are seasonal and cyclical."

There are many research-backed clues that can help you know you love someone, but also remember to trust your feelings and what's coming up for you. There's no one definition of love, and what love feels like may be different from person to person. How long it takes to fall in love may also vary depending on the person and the circumstances, so know that there's no rush to get to those three little words.