Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners? Read This

Before any true change can happen, you need to recognize your intimacy blocks—the patterns that you keep repeating in your relationships. These often stem from early childhood and are based on either the relationship you had with one of your parents or the relationship that your parents modeled for you. For example, if your father was emotionally unavailable to you (i.e., didn't make you feel loved, cared for, or supported), this could make you hard-wired to seek an emotionally unavailable man.

Our inner child re-enacts the past by choosing the same type of partner over and over and being disappointed again and again in the hopes that a breakthrough will happen. He'll change. She'll change. It'll get better. To break this pattern, you have to push through the discomfort of change and the fear of the unknown. The only way for it to get better is to stop hoping that that person will change, and just say no.

Once you truly believe you are worthy of the love you deserve, you will attract a partner who truly deserves you. Good partners are attracted to women who are confident and have healthy boundaries. Bad partners are attracted to women who are broken inside because they can manipulate and take advantage of them. Fix what is broken, become more self-assured, and love yourself, and that positive energy will attract a more positive person. This is what we call the "law of attraction." Like attracts like. Until you change the underlying core belief that you don't deserve the best of the best, you'll keep dating guys that disappoint.

One way to get there is to take a break from dating to work on you. Build your self-esteem through positive daily affirmations (i.e., "I am beautiful," "I am worthy"), create a vision board that specifically shows what you want your relationship or life to look like, and use some breathing techniques to move from the left brain state where you're stuck in your past roles to the right brain state where you feel anything is possible. One breathing technique to try is the breath of arousal used in Tantra. It activates your third chakra, which is the chakra that gives you a sense of power, self-esteem, and the willpower to say no to unhealthy things.

To do the breath of arousal, sit up tall, place your hands on your navel, and stick your tongue out . Pant like a dog in and out of your mouth, pumping your stomach muscles back and forth in time with your breathing. With every exhale pull your bellybutton to the back of your spine to empty your belly of air. With every inhale, allow your belly button to expand and let your stomach fill up like a balloon.

Everyone says they have an open heart, but is it truly open? You're probably still thinking, "Yes!" But consider this: If you're stuck in a relationship where you're not getting what you need, why are you still in it? It's because you are afraid to leave and you're not open to change. To open your heart, you have to get past that fear and be open to the unknown.

One of my teachers taught me a meditation called the “Tantric Heart.” Visualize that your soul is the queen of your life and her throne is your heart. Your heart is supposed to make all of the decisions in your life from fearlessness. But your mind is the frightened servant that guards the door to your heart. If we were hurt in the past, over time our minds lock that door out of fear. To open that door—and open your heart—you need to get past the fear.